One Mother’s Journey of Raising a Prodigal

Changed Heart (Part 5)

Dear Readers,  

You have not heard from me in quite a while. Please forgive me.  Finally ready to finish my series I promised you on my son, Shane.   There are 5 articles in all.  The one below is the fifth. 

If you haven’t read the other articles, please feel free to go back and read the others before going forth with this one but not necessary.

I want to thank you for staying with me all these years. This will be the last article from this website.  If you want to continue to hear from me, email me. I will sign you up for my Newsletter where you will receive 7 days worth of Sabbatical Reflective thoughts.  

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THE PRODIGAL THAT TURNED HOMEWARD

A FIVE PART SERIES (Part 5)

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Dedicated to our son, Shane O’Neill, who came to know the Lord Dec. 2009. Picture above taken 2020.)

(Editor of Proven Ministries/www.provenmen.org)

There is always hope:  God is alive and active! We are not alone.  

When my husband and I travel, I often run into parents, especially moms, whose children aren’t walking with the Lord. Their hearts are broken and I understand that.  We watched nine or more of our son’s friends die, many drug related deaths. During Shane’s five-year addiction with drugs, we wondered if his turn would come next. Please read “One Mother’s Journey of RAISING a Prodigal” by Sterling O’Neill, a 5 part series as the story has unfolded. Part 1:  Shane’s Early Years;  Part 2: Years of Pain ;  Part 3: High School Years;  Part 4: Coming to End of the Line; and now Part 5: Changed Heart.    

CHANGED HEART

(Part 5) 

“All things have become new and old things are passing”

I Corinthians 5:17 

In 2009 Shane, almost 20, our only son, began to delight in God, and not the things of the world.  His heart began to become alert to the things of Jesus.  

After Christmas, during which time Shane had turned his heart from dependence on drugs, back to God, he wanted to return and tell his friends, goodbye. He was planning to move back home with us in Tennessee from Pennsylvania.

Shane didn’t want to abandon his friends without bringing closure. We felt God had protected Shane thus far, He can protect him now.  He went back and God providentially had Shane meet a family, the *Rows Family, through a friend connection.  This family was a family my husband knew and held in high esteem. 

Jim, my husband had said once: “If there was one person who I would like to disciple Shane, it would be *Rick Rows.” We did not realize God had Shane and Rick meet that first night Shane was back in PA.  

The Rows heard Shane’s story and fell in love with him. They realized who Shane’s father was and said “Where are you living now Shane?”  After hearing where he lived they said “No more! We are going with you tonight to get your things! If you like you can come live with us. They immediately got in the car and moved Shane to their home.  Shane lived with them 5 years.

We are so blessed by this family. They took Shane in and loved him as their own and discipled him in ways we could never do at that stage in Shane’s life. 

The desires of Shane’s heart became God’s. How?:  For one, Shane is now desiring God to fill the void of his heart for satisfaction: to walk with him when he is in pain, everyday of his life and not running to drugs like before.  Two,  Shane desires to be around his parents, before he didn’t want much to do with us. Three, he sees women as sisters and not as objects! Beautiful transformations of his heart’s affections. These are just a few. 

Shane found true joy he was looking for in God HIMSELF. His journey is not over. He is still growing and learning but Shane knows he doesn’t have to walk it alone. God is with Him!  He has been clean for more than 12 years now and his life is changed and is changing.

Do I still pray for him? You bet! Am I thankful for Moms in Prayer and God’s people? Yes I am!  Today our son Shane is 32 years old, loves the Lord, and is reaching out to his community. He started facilitating a group of men and women trying to figure out what it means to live for Jesus as a body of believers, as they reach out to those who do not know him. He is reaching people we could never reach.  Shane is finishing up his grad degree.

When in college people would ask him what he was studying and wanted to do, he would say “I am not sure but I do know I love Jesus, enjoy writing, and hanging out with my friends. His masters now is in Apologetics”.  

Apologetic means defending one’s faith. Shane loves reading thick theology books for pleasure reading. I believe he will be one of our great theologians one day but if he isn’t, that is okay too.

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He loves Jesus and that is the most important thing to this mother’s heart. And guess what? He is one of my greatest prayer warriors. One of the greatest connections we have today is knowing we pray for each other. 

Today he works for Proven Ministry (provenmen.org) as editor of their blog. He also writes. He leads podcosts etc…  and He is now married and just celebrated his one year anniversary last May. 

When we first moved to Harrisburg, PA. 2013, I sought out another group of ladies that would take me to Jesus every week as we prayed, MOMS IN PRAYER (Grandmother group). I truly believe Shane is saved today because mothers like myself prayed and in God’s grace He chose to reach down and draw Shane to himself. 

God not only changed Shane but he CHANGED me. I have learned so much from Shane, along with my other 3 kids. God used it all to disciple my heart and draw me closer to Him too, they still do. I am a thankful mom!  

Even if today Shane wasn’t saved, which I am glad he is, I still knew God works and answers specific prayers. I would continue to have hope in Jesus.  I need God’s grace as much as Shane did and does.  There is always hope:  God is alive and active! We are not alone.

 

Eight Things Revealed and Practiced

1.Pray specific prayer requests to God about your children: We don’t see prayers answered because we don’t pray specifically. God does answer prayers and cares about our kids. As we are brought to God in praise of who He is, we bring ourselves into a posture to believe he truly can answer our prayers and is watching over our kids no matter their journey!  If interested please find a Moms in Prayer group in your area (https://momsinprayer.org)

2. I can be discipled by my kids and grow.  Ask yourself this question: Am I allowing God to use my kids to speak to me? If answer is no, ask God to help you to listen and ask more questions from them before jumping in with all your answers. Ask him to develope a heart of understanding and a teachable heart.  

3. We , my husband and I try to continually see characteristics of God in our children as His image bearers: Telling them often and thanking God for what He is doing in their lives.

Examples: Shane, God has given you such a gift, in your thinking skills. Or Shane, God has given you such a keen insight into peoples lives.  Or Shane, what a powerful writer you are.  Those are gifts from the Lord! Today Shane sees himself as a writer but this wasn’t always evident to him.

4. Writing our children letters of affirmation each year: At Christmas time we use the holiday as opportunity to point out to our kids ways we have seen God working in their lives over the past year and what we appreciate about them.  We do this by writing them a note to keep. It is also an opportunity to project the coming year, letting them know we are continuing to pray with and for them. 

Giving us a time to encourage them and express our love to them. It is told it takes 7 positives to outweigh a negative statement.  There is much information coming at our kids, more than ever, leaving them wondering do they ever do anything right?

This past year one child said “Feels like you just wrote a page from my journal.  Things I even forgot. This is amazing.” 

What ways are you being a student of your child’s life that if you had to write an account of special things throughout the year they did or said, could you?

?  

5. Celebrate verbal affirmations during Birthdays: During birthdays, together as a family or whomever is there at the time, we go around the room and each person there will tell the birthday person what they appreciate about them. This is another way to celebrate their life as a child of God and Praise God. Our grown adult children, have brought this tradition in with their growing families and friends. 

6. I continue to try to figure out what strongholds are gripping the heart of our children and pray for them. Finding ways to build truth about God in their lives in those areas. For instance:  if one of my children feels like God is unjust I will pray that they will see that God is good and just.   

I may pray something like this:  Lord I rebuke Satan in this area of their lives of blinding put name of one of your children of seeing you as unjust and may they see you are God, Sov. and you are good. I desire only good in their lives. If they are feeling you are unjust because they are in pain and don’t understand. help them come to you with their pain knowing you will do good and not harm them all the days of their lives. That you will help them through the pain, and you will help them make sense of that pain. Lord, you have a purpose! Let them know you really do love them.”  

Take this blindness of seeing God as a unjust God and use it to make them strong to desire your truth and righteousness and a more compassionate person. Don’t let Satan get the victory but God may you get the glory.  Help me find ways to show these truths about you to this child. Give us wisdom to show them you are a good and just God that makes sense to them.  Help me show your beauty to them.  You are using all this to disciple their heart and prepare them for what you have for them.  You love them more than I do so help me to fight for their heart through prayer, love and truth but not to control it, only you can change one’s heart and have the right to that ownership!  Love you Lord! This child is yours I leave it with you! Amen” 

7. God is using this time to strengthen your heart on who God is, too!  What are you believing about God?  Check your own heart. 

example:  Do you  believe God is good when you see your child in pain and running from God?  Shane, I don’t have answers to your questions or hurts, all I know, Shane, is that God is Good and he has a reason for it!

God is there to meet you where you are too. It is a real grieving time if they are running or not walking with God. Must read:  “When Life and Beliefs Collide” by Carolyn Custis James.  

8. What ways are you coming alongside your children? Learn to listen well so they know you are hearing them. Ask powerful reflective or clarifying questions so you and they know what’s in their hearts. Use open ended questions so you can hear what’s deep in their soul; Not leading, judgemental questions or statements.  Growing together. This way you can look for opportunities to speak directly or challenge in a loving way not with own opinions but with a heart of understanding.  

What ways can you have a heart of understanding when your child ask you hard questions or accuses you of bad decisions you make on their behalf or have made?  Knowing they only have half of the story it is easy to react or take them personally.  Could a heart of understanding first stop and see it from their perspective and say I am sorry. What would it do for your heart if someone said that to you?   Our children often responded with trying to understand where we were coming from also.  Beautiful times of understanding and trust have been built because of it.  It takes time but be willing to come alongside them and understand them.  

Personal Reflection: What lesson above speaks to you the most? How is God using your children to disciple your heart? What Characteric of God do you see in your children? How can you pray for them today. Tell us your story and how we can pray for you and your child(ren)!!!!   Jesus is the Good Shepherd, who lays His life down for His sheep (us), who gives life and life abundantly.  (Jn.10:10,11) 

* Rick Rows is not this person’s real name. Name changed to protect their identity.

 From One Pilgrim to another together on the journey,

“Consider how you may spur one another on towards love and good deeds….. encouraging one another–and all the more as you see the Day approaching.” Hebrews 10:24-25 (NIV)

“Intentionally journeying alongside women in order to encourage them to see God in their story, moving them closer to Jesus, and to discover their place in God’s Kingdom”

One Mother’s Journey of Raising a Prodigal

Coming to the end of the line (PART 4)

THE PRODIGAL THAT TURNED HOMEWARD

A FIVE PART SERIES

(Shane Above 2009 with Siblings)

(
Dedicated to our son Shane O’Neill who came to know the Lord Dec. 2009. Picture above taken 2020.)
(Editor of Proven Ministries/www.provenmen.org)

THE HEART IS DECEITFUL WHO CAN KNOW IT: GOD CHANGES HEARTS AND IT BEGINS WITH US FIRST! 

“Unless the Lord Builds the house those who build it labor in vain. Unless the LORD watches over the city, the watchman stays awake in vain.  It is in vain that you rise up early and go late to rest, eating the bread of anxious toil; for he gives to his beloved sleep. Behold, children are a heritage from the LORD, the fruit of the womb a reward. Like arrows in the hand of a warrior are the children of one’s youth. Blessed is the man who fills his quiver with them! He shall not be put to shame when he speaks with his enemies in the gate.”

PSALM 127:1-5

When my husband and I travel, I often run into parents, especially moms, whose children aren’t walking with the Lord. Their hearts are broken and I understand that.  As Shane was far from the Lord, over 10 of his friends died drug related deaths. This was crushing our hearts.  During our son, Shane’s, five year addiction with drugs, we wondered when his turn would come.  Please read “One Mother’s Journey of RAISING a Prodigal” by Sterling O’Neill, a 5 part series as the story unfolds. Part 1:  Shane’s Early Years ; Part 2: Years of Pain  ; Part 3: High School Years; Part 4: Coming to End of the Line; and Part 5: Changed Heart.    

COMING TO THE END OF THE LINE 

(PART 4)

 

(2009 before we moved to TN. and left Shane in PA)

“Your eyes saw my unformed substance; in your book were written, every one of them, the days that were formed for me, when as yet there was none of them.”Psalm 139:16:  

Shane got worse before he got better! The desires of his heart were pure happiness and the very thing that he thought would bring him that joy was controlling him and killing him. Many of his friends ended up dying due to an overdose of drugs.  

Demons began to chase Shane. We sent him a Casting Crowns CD. Like young David played the harp for King Saul in the Old Testament Shane said “Everytime I listened to the CD the demons stopped chasing me. As he listened to the CD he heard about a different God.  A God that loved him so much that He was willing to send his only Son, Jesus to die for Him. That God was calling him to HIMSELF, bringing life and life more abundantly.

Shane, one Fall evening in late October, lay in his bed wondering about his life as he fell asleep next to his girlfriend. He didn’t want to live anymore! Nothing was ever enough. No matter how much drugs he took it didn’t satisfy. As his friends were dying around him he thought to himself, “God, this is not what I thought it was, it isn’t bringing me any happiness? I’m dying.”  (more…)