“THE SPIRIT OF THE LORD WAS WITH HER”

ON ASSIGNMENT BY GOD

27 But God chose what is foolish in the world to shame the wise; God chose what is weak in the world to shame the strong; (I Corintians 1:27)

INTRODUCTION
About the time I started to feel the heat of the lions den, in walks Debbie! Here was someone who was considered a nobody in the eyes of most people around her. Never meeting Debbie before that day I would have thought the Red Sea had just parted. I felt “The Spirit of God was with her”.  Debbie’s presence transformed the atmosphere in the room and my grandmother’s attitude. Wow. Who is this woman?

Afterwards Debbie told me “Well, the first day after I came home from being with your grandmother, I told my husband I wasn’t going back to work for that woman. He asked me a few questions and after hearing my reasons said, “okay, but have you prayed about it first?” That was all he had to say. I was convicted as I told him I hadn’t.”

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MY GRANDMOTHER, MAMAMA & DEBBIE….

During the Great Depression, my grandparents worked hard and through much difficulties and uncharted choices made it rich by most standards. This hard earned wealth created a perception that her family had this unspoken standard to measure up to. When my dad didn’t always live up to it, it wasn’t pleasant around my family. Often their attitudes were imputed onto us kids, too. I never felt totally accepted by my grandparents, but in some strange way I respected them and knew they loved us even if it wasn’t always demonstrated in ways I would have preferred or understood.

I am thankful for my grandparents (Nananer (Na-na-ner) and Mamama (Ma-ma-ma) for many good memories, During my elementary years we would often spend, Thanksgiving and Christmas dinners with them. During Easter time, they also invited us to their beach house.

My Grandfather built a tree house in the woods for us to enjoy. I loved exploring and climbing around their home. I believe God used them, to also plant a seed, of my love now, for tennis. But at the time I didn’t want anything to do with it

Even with a disfunctional family I knew I was part of something bigger than just my immediate family. With my grandparents, parents and siblings, I felt a sense of belonging, family, hospitality, and community. But I wouldn’t understand it all till years later.


After Nananer died due to kidney failure, my grandmother missed him, of course, but as she aged she became “harder” on the inside. She had much to contend with and lived with a lot of loneliness even though she knew many people. Mamama felt like she still had a reputation to live up to.

This world Mamama created did not easily permit me to feel accepted for who I was. I didn’t dress the way she thought I should. I became a follower of Jesus, went to a Christian college, married a Yankee and served overseas as a missionary. Each decision was contrary to her ideals or expectations for me.

One of the qualities Mamama had was her strong disposition. She didn’t back down for anyone! I think I inherited some of that tough hide. “Shhhhhh!  No comments.

After being overseas for many years, married and with kids, we came home from living in Asia on home ministry (furlough) for a year when I went to visit Mamama. Mamama was now up in years and we didn’t know how long she would live so this visit was very important. I picked up a gift for her like Jacob presented to Esau before he saw his estranged brother. Like, Jacob didn’t know how Esau would respond to him, I didn’t know what reaction I would get from my grandmother. I was apprehensive.

I also asked God to go before me like Moses had asked God.

If your presence does not go with us, do not bring us up from here”

As I arrived I met Debbie, this sweet African-American lady who was now one of the primary care-givers for my grandmother. She took me upstairs to see Mamama.  My aunt was there, my father’s sister. I took my youngest daughter too, since she had never met her great grandmother. All seemed to be going well.

Until my aunt and Grandmother took the conversation in a direction I didn’t want to go. I wanted to honor my grandmother but the direction turned more difficult and critical. This was not something I wanted my daughter to hear.

About the time I started to feel the heat of the lions den, in walks Debbie! You would have thought the Red Sea had just parted.  Never meeting Debbie before that day, I felt “The spirit of God was with Her”.  I felt His presence when Debbie walked into the room. Amazing! Debbie’s presence transformed the atmosphere and my grandmother’s attitude. The rest of our visit was unusually pleasant. Wow! Who is this women?

I knew Mamama’s bent was prejudice toward blacks, which was common in the south in her day. But it was the 1990’s, yet in some ways she had not changed with the times. So I was surprised by the love Debbie was showering on my grandmother. And my grandmother was receiving it!

I found out later Debbie knows Jesus. He was making a difference through her life.

God can use what the world thinks as foolish to confound the wise.

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DEBBIE REMINDS ME ALSO OF RAHAB’S STORY

The Israelites in the book of Joshua were now waiting outside Jericho on the otherside of the Jorden where they were told by God to take possession of the land. This city had strong defenses.

In Numbers 13-14, we see the Israelites wandering in the wilderness for 40 years because the people disobeyed, listening instead to the 10 spies out of 12. The 10 giving the ‘majority report’ saw themselves as grasshoppers and the people in the Promise Land as giants. Now many years later, God’s people and Joshua are about to enter the Promise Land facing this big city. How will they view themselves? Did they learn the needed lessons?

Joshua was one of the origianal 12 spies, He did not see giants. How will Joshua, as the new leader, some 40 years later, lead the Israelites to trust God forward to destroy Jericho?   

Joshua decided to send in 2 people not 12 to spy out the land before attacking it. He had learned a valuable lesson. The two spies met Rahab, a prostitute.

The 2 spies found out from Rahab, how God had gone before, creating fear in the hearts of the Canaanites. Rahab wanted to believe in their God.

She, too, was considered a nobody!  Rahab demonstrated her faith by hiding these 2 spies from her own people. She helped them escape even in the evident danger of possible death.   

[https://archive.org/details/rahab_the_harlot[/]( by Ky Baptist)

I don’t know about you but sometimes I feel like a nobody. “How can I help” I am just one person and what’s in front of me seems so daunting.  

The Spirit of God had gone before Joshua and the people into Jericho even before the two spies arrived. They were guided to Rahab. She responded in faith. Can you think of a time where you felt the Spirit of God working?

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LIKE RAHAB, DEBBIE’S STORY CONTINUES….

I cannot remember the time table of life but not much later, maybe two years, we came back from living overseas when Mamama took her last breath.

I was not looking forward to going to the funeral. I was sad not knowing where Mamama would be spending eternity. She never wanted anything to do with followers of Jesus, and their Lord even though she was a faithful church goer.  

Mamama felt Jesus was a crutch and thought she lived just fine. When she died her requests were only a graveside service and no flowers.  No one was allowed to give any testimonies about her apart from her pastor. I so wanted to share some of my good memories but no opportunity was presented.

As Mamama’s Minister gave her Eulogy, I thought I was at the wrong graveside service. He didn’t really represent the grandmother I knew. Very impersonal and depressing!

I was feeling guilty too, all I could think of was hurtful things I felt she had imputed on me and others I loved. Of course I am praying and asking God to help me with a better attitude and some kind of hope that I could walk away with through the service. But I wasn’t finding anything!

As I was praying, however, I saw Debbie, the caregiver.  I made a mental note I would connect with her after the service was over.  

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“Debbie, Debbie, hi, I don’t know if you remember me but I am one of my grandmother’s, granddaughters, Sterling”?

“Yes, I remember you.”  

“Do you know who was with my grandmother in her final moments and how she died? ” 

“I and Gladis, (the maid) were with her.”  

“Really, would you mind taking the time to tell me about it”?

“Sure” she said with a soft smile. As everyone left, Debbie took the next hour to share as we walked the graveside together.

“When I came to work for your grandmother, after one day I knew I did not want to work with that lady! When I was a little girl, my aunt worked for this old critical prejudice rich lady and after I saw what that lady did to my aunt I vowed as a little girl I will never wipe the “butt” of any white rich old woman with that kind of attitude, if life depends on it.

Well the first day after I came home from being with your grandmother, I told my husband I wasn’t going back. He asked me a few questions and after hearing my reasons said “okay but have you prayed about it first?” That was all he had to say. I was convicted as I told him I hadn’t. ” 

I then said I would let him know in the morning. I couldn’t sleep all night. The next morning when I woke up, I knew God had called me back to take care of your grandmother. I realized she needed Jesus and God wanted me there to tell her. I didn’t know how but I knew God wanted me to go there and show her first His love by loving her.”

Over the months leading up to her death, I processed each person in the family with her. I started with each grandchild and then up to your dad and mom. With each person I pushed and pushed with questions until her straw man of what she had fixated about them could not be justified and she had to forgive them.”

She would get so mad but when she got quiet I knew God had gotten through to her core. God gave me the courage because she could have fired me but didn’t. God was working in her heart.

The day she died, Gladis and I were bathing her when she was asking us to hurry.

“Hurry, Hurry,” she kept yelling. We didn’t understand why the rush. But, she wanted us to dress her fast and have her ready.

I realized as we were finishing her up it wouldn’t be long before she would die, her feet were getting blue and it was going up her leg. It would soon hit her heart and she would be dead.  

As the last piece of clothing was on her, she looked at me and asked very sincerely, “Debbie, will God accept me into Heaven?”

“I said Caroline, God has always accepted you, the question is will you accept him?”

“What must I do?” She said.

“You know what to do. We have talked about it before. You must ask him to forgive you and surrender yourself to him believing what He did for you on the cross. He died so you could have eternal life. He is your Lord and loves you very much!

She paused and then set up with strength I didn’t know she had and said,

“Okay Lord please forgive me!” As her arms went up in the air and then she laid back down.”

“As I looked into her eyes there was a glow on her face like I had never seen before. She was so calm and peaceful. When she turned and looked up at me and said,

“Debbie…. Thank you!” She smiled… and closed her eyes and died”.

All of a sudden Gladis and I felt a breeze in the room, even with all the doors and windows closed. With Gladis on one side of the bed and I on the other between your grandmother, we stood frozen staring at each other, tears streaming down both of our cheeks, on what felt like holy ground.

Later as we talked, we both confirmed the air felt was God’s spirit taking your grandmother up to heaven. “

Wow! I, too, sensed God’s presence and God’s delight in my spirit as she told the story of her time with my grandmother. This is the hope I came for.

After giving Debbie a great big hug, I looked at Debbie with tears in my eyes now, and said “Thank you for heeding God’s call in your life. For being there for my grandmother even when she wasn’t so nice to you. Thank you for taking time to share this forever loving memory etched in my heart.”

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Thank you Lord for Debbie. For answering my prayers! For letting me hear this story Lord, in redeeming my grandmother’s life before she died.”

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Debbie, was weak before the world but mighty before God, like Rahab where God chose to put both on assignment for His Kingdom work. Debbie with my grandmother and Rahab for the 2 spies, the Israelites, and her family.

PERSONAL REFLECTIONS: What about this story either Rahab, Debbie or my grandmother resonated with your heart? What made both Debbie and Rahab step up to accept their tasks? How might history have been different without their courageous faith? Would love to hear your thoughts in the comment section …

From One Pilgrim to another together on the journey,

“Consider how you may spur one another on towards love and good deeds….. encouraging one another–and all the more as you see the Day approaching.” Hebrews 10:24-25 (NIV)

“ Intentionally journaling alongside women in order to encourage them to see God in their story, moving them closer to Jesus, and to discover their place in God’s Kingdom”

PERFECT TEAM-MATES?

“Above all, keep loving one another earnestly, since love covers a multitude of sins.” (I Peter 4:8)

*TAKE NOTE: True story but Names have been changed to protect the innocent. Doris Smith and Lisa Jones, were better know as Aunt Doris and Aunt Lisa by the kids. The Smiths and the Jones’ have been best friends for many years now. However, this story is a case study of how this hasn’t always been the case

BACKGROUND

When Joe and Lisa Jones arrived overseas in Asia, they were at the young age of 25 and 23 respectfully. They had only been married for about a year and a half with no children. They joined two other couples making up a team of three families. One, was the Febbos, Bill and Sarah, and the other one, Tom and Doris Smith.

The Smiths, newly married too, making many short-term mission trips in the past, to other locations around the world before they were married, but never together as a couple. They arrived about a month or so before the Jones’ did and with no children also.

The Smiths came from a home where both parents were believers. Joe and Lisa both came from religious homes but none of them professed Christ, until years later. Lisa’s parents divorced when she was young but soon accepted Jesus as her personal Savior. Joe got saved when he was 19, which meant turning from a life of many sinful choices, to Jesus as Lord of his life.

The Febbos, unlike the Smiths and the Jones’, had been married for many years and had arrived a little over a year before the two other couples did and had 3 small children. The Febbos knew both couples previously but the Jones and the Smiths had only met one other time before coming to Asia and it had been a whole year since they had last seen each other.  

The Febbos set the Smiths and the Jones’ up in one house together, until another suitable home could be found.  It was furnished which was rare in this part of the world. Plus the Febbos thought the couples might need each other at first, until they got adjusted to the new place.

The Smiths were put on one side of the house and the Jones were put on the other side but shared the same kitchen together. Being a big house compared to what they each were used to, it sounded like a good plan. What could they say, the Febbos had been so nice to get it for them.

POTENTIAL CONFLICTS

By Richard Lee

However, the Jones and the Smiths soon found out how difficult it was to live together. What and how to cook? The Smiths liked beef and the Jones liked fish. Doris knew how to cook from scratch and Lisa only knew how to cook from boxes and cans which she couldn’t find any. It felt like she knew nothing about cooking.

The Febbos provided them with what they called a “helper” (a live-in maid) to assist them. Lisa and Doris both knew nothing about this kind of set up.

Now, you might be thinking, “I wish I had a maid”.  But, if you are newly married, never kept house much (or have different ideas of how to clean one’s home), can’t speak the language yet, where the helpers are there 24/7,  and having several new people live in your home, it can be pretty scary and invasive at first. Did I mention they were newly married too!

They both were experiencing culture shock. When Doris went through culture shock she reacted by going inside herself to process. If you knew Doris today you would be surprised to think she was anything but quiet. She has a vibrate personality. On the other hand, Lisa verbalized outward to process.  So the more Lisa talked the more Doris went inside herself and the more she went inside herself the more Lisa talked.

WHAT DOES THIS ALL ADD UP TO?   

After several months of living together the Smiths, wisely so, decided to move out. Of course this caused all kinds of emotions inside of Lisa. She had become accustomed to having them around and thought she had been the one who might have caused them to move out. The Smiths reassured her this wasn’t the case. They just needed their privacy. They were most kind but it didn’t feel like it at the time. Leaving left their relationship a little emotionally rocky but it did ease some of the tension.

Six months later, Doris and Lisa were both pregnant with their first child, causing them to realize  that even their parenting styles were different.

Soon the Febbos left to go home for their one year first “Home Assignment” and that left the Smiths  and the Jones to hold up the fort and carry on the work together. No longer were the Febbos there for them to shield their differences behind.  

Bill appointed Joe as Team Leader, which had its own set of emotions on both sides since they both had arrived around the same time, and Tom was older. Now the differences had to be addressed if they were to survive and work together as a team.

POTENTIAL RESOLUTIONS

Picture by Briana Tozour

The men seemed to be able to put the differences aside living out what they were called to do but Doris and Lisa, well what can I say? Lisa couldn’t hold it in very long.  Both families were committed to the process of reconciliation but it seemed the tension continued and the more the two girls tried to talk it out the more complicated the issues became. Each time the cyle would start over.  No fun walking on what us Americans call egg shells. It hurts!

How long could this go on? Joe, being the team leader was a very patient man but didn’t like seeing his wife hurting and in conflict with Doris.  He wanted this resolved but he just didn’t know what the next steps were.

Joe  went to Tom privately, both agreeing that one of them needed to leave if the two families weren’t committed to working things out. They couldn’t keep living this way.  So Joe was willing to nominate the “Jones’” to leave to ensure that the work continued with peace.

The odd thing about it all is that they all needed each other and they knew it but they also knew that they either had to leave or God had to do something to change them. They  couldn’t keep living this way.

PROCESS OF HOPE

The Key to a Loving Heart

Lisa got a hold of a book  Key to a Loving Heart”, by Karen Burton Mains, who helped Lisa explore the feelings she was having toward Doris. Realizing they were the same feelings she felt toward her paternal grandmother. Lisa never felt accepted by her grandmother, for who she was.

Maybe this is why I am having conflicts with Doris. She thought.  I don’t feel Doris accepts me for who I am! Maybe because I never forgave my grandmother, that’s why I can’t forgive Doris.

Whatever it was Lisa knew she needed to humble herself and forgive her grandmother before she could proceed with Doris. Lisa immediately took time to write a letter to her grandmother to tell her how she felt. Her grandmother wasn’t a follower of Jesus so she wanted to be very careful how she worded everything so her grandmother would understand. It wasn’t easy.

Lisa in the process of writing her grandmother to tell her that she forgave her, realized at that moment she also never really accepted her grandmother either. After much soul searching, Lisa forgave her grandmother and also asked God to forgive her.  

It was all a process but Lisa decided not to send the letter but kept the letter to remind her that God also truly accepted and loved her personally too. She was forgiven! She was now ready to love and accept her grandmother and Doris, no matter what, even if they were different than her.   

Also receiving God’s acceptance and love of her as well in a deeper way. She knew now He was the one who would work the conflict out. Lisa placed her confidence back on HIM and not in the fear of man.  She didn’t have to be afraid and react to defend herself.

She still needed to share with Doris, her frustrations, but now she found she didn’t have to as much, she was learning to accept Doris more so the differences didn’t matter as much. Plus, she was free to love Doris even when Lisa didn’t feel Doris was not loving her back the way she thought she should. Lisa could also forgive herself for the mistakes she would make. It wasn’t about Lisa so much anymore but about God working in her out to Doris and others. God working His purposes in both of them. Philippines 1:6 was an encouragement to her, “What God has begun, He would complete”.

God was already changing Lisa. God was changing Joe and unknown to the Jones’ God was changing Tom and Doris too.  

How do we know?  Because soon after that Tom and Doris paid a visit to the Jones’ to apologize about their attitudes. They wanted things to work out and what was it that they needed to do to help things get better.

They recognized, also conflicts of leadership styles between Tom and Joe too. They all had a good cry, confessing, repenting and praying together that night. I think the Heavenly Host’s and our Lord were dancing with delight that night.

NEXT STEPS

THE FRUIT OF UNITY….

They mapped out some steps together to help insure the continued communications and growth between the two families. God was free now, to work in all of their hearts.  It was no longer about “them” but about the work of God and His glory in and through them.

“…LOVE  BEARS A MULTITUDE OF SIN”  (I Peter 4:8b)

They were willing to accept each other a little bit better with their differences. They began to learn and appreciate one another as part of the body of Christ. They were also free to be themselves without feeling like they had to be what they thought the other person wanted them to be.

IRON SHARPENS IRON AND ONE MAN SHARPENS ANOTHER”  (Proverbs 27:17)

Their relationship after 30 plus years now has grown. They are still different but they have learned so much from each other they wouldn’t have if they hadn’t taken the steps of forgiveness.

Lisa often has been inspired by Doris in so many ways,

“AND LET US CONSIDER HOW TO STIR UP ONE ANOTHER TO LOVE AND GOOD DEEDS” (Hebrew 10:24).   

And Doris would say the same about Lisa  if she was writing this story. Many Asians today are following Jesus after watching the two families live out their lives together and hearing God’s word. Missionaries are now being sent out to other lands to hear how they can know Jesus and have eternal life. May God get the Glory, who has worked in and through them to bring about fruitful ministries for both of their lives today. The End!  

Would love to hear your thoughts about this story as it relates to any you have experienced…..

PERSONAL OR GROUP REFLECTIONS:  What issues do you see in this story that possibly can cause team conflicts? What potential ways did these couples try to go about to resolve the conflict initially? How would you have tried to resolve a conflict like this? What ways did God use to help in the process to help resolve the conflict? Can you think of some other ways God might use to help in the midst of conflict? What would be your one takeaway from this story for your own life? Please let me know in the comment section of this blog….

From One Pilgrim to another together on the journey,

“Consider how you may spur one another on towards love and good deeds….. encouraging one another–and all the more as you see the Day approaching.” Hebrews 10:24-25 (NIV)

“ Intentionally journaling alongside women in order to encourage them to see God in their story, moving them closer to Jesus, and to discover their place in God’s Kingdom”


Summer 2016

Living with a Thankful Heart

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Psalm 27:4-5 says “One thing have I asked of the Lord, that will I seek after: that I may dwell in the house of the Lord all the days of my life, to gaze upon the beauty of the Lord and to inquire in his temple. For he will hide me in his shelter in the day of trouble; he will conceal me under the cover of his tent; he will lift me high upon a rock.”

There are Seasons of Life where it seems when it rains it pours. Is the same God on the throne during those times as He is when all is good? Is God good? Often when going through hard times we question God. Nothing wrong with that but use it as an opportunity to lean into God rather than run from Him knowing that He is God! He can handle it.

Find things to be thankful for in the midst of these hard times is crucial.  

This summer 2016 was one of those seasons for me. It isn’t the first and I am sure it will not be the last. However, this one was hard in the midst of so much grieving. But I can say as I look back on it, it was one of the most rewarding.     (more…)

A HEART NOT GROUNDED IN CHRIST IS DIVIDED

Tossed back and Forth

Psalm 51:10 “Create in me a clean heart, O God, and renew a steadfast spirit within me.

In those times where my heart feels divided I have to reclaim my allegiance to God in that moment.  I remember a time in high school I had a divided heart; I knew something wasn’t right. I wanted man’s approval as well as God’s. Therefore I felt like a wave tossed back and forth, like the book of James tells us in chapter one. I was miserable. Can you think of a time you felt this way? or Maybe you are feeling that way right now?

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OUR FIRST HOME

Transitions: You Cannot Always Expect Teammates to Understand

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Philippians 2:1-2 “So if there is any encouragement in Christ, any comfort from love, any participation in the Spirit, any affection and sympathy, complete my joy by being of the same mind, having the same love, being in full accord and of one mind” (ESV)

Our team leader and his wife, who had arrived in the Philippines just one year before us, were kind enough to set up a home for us. After traveling for a whole month around the island leading a short-term singing and drama team, Jim and I looked forward to getting settled into our temporary new home. There was another missionary couple who would be living with us, who had just arrived as well. Until one of us could figure out another place to live, we would both use the same house.  

The home was furnished, very big and spacious; However,  it didn’t have any air condition or much ventilation, causing it to be very warm to live in. In due time, Jim and I learned to acclimate to the heat of the Filipino weather rather quickly because of it. Even to this day we get cold easily.

The other couple lived on one side of the house and we lived on the other, but we both shared the kitchen, which proved to be interesting! (more…)