ONE WHO SITS OVER ALL!

CHRIST THE BIG "C"

Humble yourselves, therefore, under the mighty hand of God so that at the proper time he may exalt you, casting all your anxieties on Him, because He cares for you. Be-sober-minded; be watchful. Your adversry the devil prowls around like a roaring lion, seeking someone to devour. Resist him, firm in your faith, knowing that the same kinds of suffering are being experienced by your brotherhood throughout the world‘ I Peter 5:6-10. 

As most of us sit at home due to the coronavirus, my reasons for being here did not start off for the same reasons.  I am in recovery from a recent surgery where I went into the hospital on March 16th for a full hysterectomy.  The healing process usually takes 6-8 weeks.  As I write, I am into the 3rd week of this time period. And in this very unique season we are both facing the “c” word; mine is the potential of contined cancer, and with you the other “c” word, the coronavirus. 

At the end of January, when corona was only something bubbling up in China where it began, it was brought to my attention through a series of tests and eventually a biopsy, that revealed a cancerous tumer in my uterus.  This then lead to the March 16th surgery, which couldn’t wait!

PRACTICE BRINGING YOUR PRAYERS OF FEAR TO JESUS

Who Am I Going To Listen and/or Cling to?

My prayer throughout this season has been personally, Psalm 112:7,8

“He is not afraid of bad news: His heart is firm, trusting in the Lord. His heart is steady; he will not be afraid, until he looks in triumph on his adversaries.” 

These verses were given to me one week before this process started.  God was gracious in giving me strength and resources,  more of HIMSELF, especially ahead of time. When I heard the news of this path I remembered the verses that seemed to stand out to me in 3-D the day I read it and prayed.  My response  then became “LORD give me “A FIRM AND A STEADY HEART’, not one that fears but looks to you.”  When we started this journey, down this path there was potential unknowns and fears and grieving.  Sound familiar with this season for you?

Psalm 34 was also set in my soul.  Especially vs. 4 ‘I sought the LORD and he answered me and delivered me  from all my fears. ….’  vs. 7 ‘…The angel of the LORD encamps around those who fear him and delivers them.”

Lord, if I am not to fear or to take all my fears to you, I must wake up each morning and ask, ‘What is the question or fear on my heart today, Lord, that you want to reveal or answer”?  Often, I did wake up with a heavy heart but if I wanted that “steady heart” I knew where to go. Lord, I need to bring these thoughts and emotions before You. I need to lean into YOU, who knows all things.  I am convinced more than not, it is in these testing times that God reveals our hearts and gives us opportunity to see HIM more.

Come to me, all who labor and are heavy laden, and I will give you rest.  Take my yoke upon you, and learn from me, for I am gentle and lowley in heart, and you will find rest for your souls.  For my yoke is easy, and my burden is light.” Matthew 11:28-30.

Help Lord!  My heart is not at rest.”  “I need you Jesus” What fear or question is on my heart today?” 

One fear, Lord, is telling people about the cancer situation, especially my children.  Each time I open my mouth and mention the “c” word, I can watch and feel their fear, sadness and/or their apprehenision. They don’t know what to say or do.  Lord, I am the encourager, and it seems I am bringing their souls bad news.  I like to bring good news, Lord. Each person I tell has to work through their own emotions when they hear I have the “c” word. Naturally the process is: “What might this look like,if it happened to me?”  Yet, I know I need to tell people. I want people’s prayers and know the importance of community and support coming around me in time of need.  

I especially feel the weight of sharing with my kids and what they might feel.  This is too heavy to carry, Lord.  I am surprised how well they are handling what we just shared  but facing the idea that their mom has the “c” word and the future unknown that she might die, that can be heavy!  God said,you want to glorify me right?”  Yes! This is your opportunity. What do you mean, Lord? 

Jesus said, Yes,  that burden is too heavy for you to carry. Let me carry it!  Take my Yoke.  I am using “this” to work in all your lives, to draw you to ME, so lean into me and I will carry this!   Let me handle it.  It is okay if they need to process, I am there for them too. This allows ME to move in and minister to them, where they can see more of me and put the words on their heart to pray for you.  I am inviting you to seek the rest in me you need and be encouraged by others.  You will find rest in ME so focus on ME and receive all as if from me.

I could at first only share with one or two people at a time to keep my emotional balance.  Jim, my husband, was kind enough, too,  to write letters and send out to many, until I felt strong enough to share personally with more people. I was not alone. The words of others are soothing to my soul and draw me to God.

In this time of turbulence, with the other “c” word, the coronavirus, what are some ways you have found hope and rest in Jesus?  

I need strength from the BIG “C’ everyday. I need to see Jesus, the Christ, who is Lord of all, so He can fill me up. Writing in my journal, sometimes God answers prayers from the scripture, and sometimes through people or something I read later throughout the day.  More than not, by the end of the day, an answer would be given. Has this been an easy path? NO, but God is kind to give me the strength to see HIM.  To replace Satan’s lies with God HIMSELF. 

Who am I going to listen to? Who am I going to pay attention to and cling to?  Truth or lies?  Sometimes it is lies and I have to repent.

How are you grounding yourself to bring peace and rest to your souls that Jesus promised? What practices are you implementing to bring you strength and get you back to a “steady heart” grounded in the BIG ‘C” (CHRIST)?

PRACTICE PRAYERS OF GRIEF TO JESUS

What Invitation(s) is God Presenting to You?  

Sometimes I am uncertain of my own  feelings as the Psalmist and often will use time to cry out my desires of wanting to live, fears or losses or potential losses, I am feeling. 

Many of us are having to forgo what brings us joy.  Maybe you are experiencing  loss too. The virus has caused global disorientation. How are you affected?

A friend of our family sent us a picture that depicts Jesus in the garden of Gathsemene being consoled by the Angel of the Lord.  Jesus was in the garden and asked God, His Father, to take this assignment from Him, of suffering on our behalf. The Cross was looming before Jesus.  

Father, if you are willing, remove this cup from me.’ Luke 22:42a.

This imag became encouraging to my soul, that Jesus, as he left the garden was weak and tired and the Angel of the Lord strengthened Him. If Jesus didn’t die on the cross, we would not have the opportunity to have eternal life through Jesus’ act of sacrifical unconditional love on our behalf. Yet, Jesus, who is God, coming as man, we see cried out to His Father. Jesus’ prayer of grief was heard by the Father. 

BUT Jesus said, ‘Nevertheless, not my Will but YOURS FATHER be done” Luke 22:42b

(Sketch by Cassie Chase 5/2020) ‘And there appeared to Him an angel from heaven strengthening him.” Luke 22:4

As you look at this picture above and think about this story of Jesus, where might you find yourself right now?  What invitation is God presenting to you?  ( Extra Resource: Viso Divina)

PRACTICE PRAYERS OF THANKSGIVING TO JESUS 

Where is God Showing up? 

One blog writer recently said they are learning in such difficult seasons of grief to hold  “Holding Grief and Gratitude Together “ at the same time. Yes, much grief but much to be thankful for, too. Be willing to acknowledge both. And allow them to have space in your heart and prayers. 

If you saw my journal you would see how God used verses, people texting, emailing, or verbally praying or giving words of affirmation, as well as other stories to encourage my heart. Many out of their own praise and testimony of God’s work in their lives even in the midst of their own struggles. 

The timing of all these were not some sort of cosmic karma but Kiaros, a Divine and timely moment that only God could orcrastrate. They would come at a time when I would be asking or verbalizing to God a question. 

 

Remembering, where has God shown up?  Jounaling “BUT GOD” (BIG “C” CHRIST)

  • How fast God revealed to us that something wasn’t quite right in my body and then how quickly God placed me in surgery.   
  • God gave me quick turn around landing me with a great OB Doctor, who happens to be a surgeon.
  • Doctor, is a man of faith who happens to have been involved in international missions work as well, like us.  His bed side manners have been wonderful as well as his knowledge and care.  The minute we walked into his office we (Jim and I both) felt God’s presence individually, and we had never met him. 
  • Timing of our visits and hospital stays: One delight I had before I went into the hospital  was staying a week with our grandkids, twin boys, while our second daughter and her husband could take a trip away before their next child is born at end of June.  What a wonderful week to focus on something happy before my operation.  Thank you Lord. 
  • God was kind to allow us to get the cancer at an early low grade, Stage 1A.  If you are going to get cancer at all we got the best kind, we were told. 
  • The hospital the Doctor is part of is only 30 minutes from our home and is new with excellent care. Again felt God’s calming hand surrounding us through the process. 
  • The surgery was scheduled the very week lockdown of “staying home” with coronavirus. ‘ Allowing one of our daughters and her family to still come for the first week I would be home recovering.  Such joy to have all here, along with the two grandkids, running around. Nothing like community surrounding you when you are trying to heal. Brought much life to our hearts and has allowed me to get the rest I needed.  She brought lots of food which lasted another week.  Our son too, came up a few days as well.  Gave company to my husband as he gains this new rhythm of taking care of his wife.  
  • Four days later after the surgery we got good results from doctor that they feel they got all the cancer!  Also the tumor was not attached to the lining of the Uterus which means no complicatons.

    Church Elders Praying over me before my surgery

  • However, the doctor said, one other test still needs to come back.  So we waited 4 more days. Doctor, says, “Last test showed a few clusters of cancerous cells got into your pelvus fluid but still low grade which is good.” Didn’t seem like good news.
  • After talking decided to go on Hormone Therapy pills to see if we can knock out these cells over a period of time.  There are side effects which he named but after 4 weeks of taking the meds I feel hopeful and encouraged, that my body so far is handling the side effects well. Because God has lead us this far, we can trust whatever the future brings. There is a 86% success rate with this track of next steps, which in the cancer world is a very high percentage.  Since mine is lowgrade, other than God’s divine intervention otherwise, I believe I am in good standing. 
  • Psalm 84:11 Says “God does not withhold any good from those who are righteous.” God is good  Himself and promises to be with us no matter what. None of us has security apart from God’s divine hand upon us.  I can be content that God promises Himself and to be with us no matter what. He is good, therefore wants good for me even if it doesn’t always feel like it.  
  •  God thank you for the coronavirus lockdown, even if we don’t like it, you have allowed my husband to be around to give me the extra care I need. His care has allowed me to recover well and it is a reflection of His love for Jesus and Jesus’ love in Him.  I am receiving more of Jesus because of his unconditional love for me.    
  • We have had a steady stream of people extending their prayers and love to us.  Along with our church, who has helped with food as well. We feel most blessed. Glad we decided to push through our fear and tell people.  Thank you Jesus.

As I think of the pandemic crisis now with this coronavirus, the cancer situation seems very small in comparison but the emotions are still very real and have hit all of us in one way or another. Fran Love recently as she spoke at NextGen Leaders Community on Zoom said “Emotion is called E-moton, (in motion) it is going to carry you somewhere.  Either towards God or away from Him.” Reminding me to journal, and be thankful another day for HIM.  We all have a time and day set for us to die.  You don’t have to face cancer or corona and/or any other little  “c” word to realize our mortality. He, CHRIST, the BIG “C” is the only sure Person to put our faith in.

Another friend who writes a blog, (Joy in the Journey) said “this virus has not created our need for the Lord, it’s revealing it.” Where have you seen God show up in your life during this season? May I encourage you to write them down. 

I am now entering my 8th week of recovery since I started this blog but the story is not over. To those who have prayed, thank you!

PERSONAL REFLECTIONS:  As you read this blog, what story, passage, or practice spoke to you?  What question that I asked, if any, stirred in you? Where you are now?  What invitation is God presenting to you? I would love to hear any of your musings or thoughts.

From One Pilgrim to another together on the journey,

“Consider how you may spur one another on towards love and good deeds….. encouraging one another–and all the more as you see the Day approaching.” Hebrews 10:24-25 (NIV)

“Intentionally journeying alongside women in order to encourage them to see God in their story, moving them closer to Jesus, and to discover their place in God’s Kingdom”

 

 

 

 

REDEEMABLE MOMENTS

Tribute to two Fathers

“Return, O Lord, and rescue me. Save me because of your unfailing love. For the dead do not remember you. Who can praise you from the grave?” Psalms 6:4-5 NLT

 

Traveling, mission and visiting aging parents along with adult children and grandkids are all part of our oikos (Greek word for household). Learning to balance so many family connection points is definetely more art than science.  Our extended blood relatives (Oikos) are still very much a part of our emotional makeup. Whether good, bad, living near or far away from them they still have impact on who we are in some form or another.

We all find ourselves in different places and stages of this journey we call life.  Connecting is made somewhat easier given the distances between family in the social media era with such tools as with Facebook, and video calls thru Zoom, and accessible traveling. All of these resources allow us to stay present with kids, grandkids, parents and sibblings but not always without difficulties. We might ask ourselves is making all this investment for our oikos worth it?  

Sometimes we have to be the ones to redeem the time and be intentional in making these moments a reality.  Let me tell you about one family member, my dad, who I just received news on January 2nd, 2020 that he had passed away.

Once someone dies you immediately, it seems, go to the memories of that person; what you will miss or not miss or things you are thankful for or times of regret.

 

MY DAD

November 8th, 2019

His death was not a surprise. 

November 8-11th, 2019 was the last time for me to visit my dad while he was still alive.  As we approached him he acted as if he didn’t know me which was a surprise at this time because up to then his face would light up when he saw me.  I had to get really up close to him for his eyes to even light up in recognition this time.  He smiled for a second, letting us know he knew something. He even mentioned my name. Then his conversation and memories shifted to stories of the past.  A brief moment in time which will now stick in my mind’s eye as one special last memory with my dad.  

Living near my  parents, my two brothers, Lee and Jim, were frequent visitors with mom and dad.   Having families working together to care for their parents is not always a given. But I’m so thankful my brothers could give such attention to my parents especially my dad in his final months on this earth. 

November 11th, 2019

I had already scheduled another trip to SC on Saturday, Jan 4 th to see him and my mom again. With aging parents, Jim and I made it a priority to visit them almost montly knowing they were declining physically.  This trip would be different.   Now our visit would involve his burial and a memorial grave side service. We will Miss him.

A retired lawyer and Lt Col. In the Marine Reserves. 

Young Lehman Adwell Moselely dressed in Marine Uniform

Dads come in all sizes and personalities.  And they do impact us in some form or another.  My dad influenced me both in good ways, as well as some times of difficulties.  His dad and mom lived during the great depression and worked hard becoming selfmade business people. They projected this expectation of success very strongly upon their children especially impacting my dad.  The culture of their day mandated it.  Those expectations drove my dad crazy. Yet, in some ways this same attitude was passed on, through my dad, to us kids.  Reputation was important to him even if he didn’t always live up to that. He would say “Ship up or ship out” jokingly, but you knew what he meant.  
 
He pursued a career in law and proved to be a good lawyer. Then he joined the Marines becoming a Lt. Col. in the Reserves. In his professional life he was well respected in the community in Greenville, South Carolina.   So, he, too, showed his love by pushing his children to be better.  Dad carried strong expectations for his kids. And, he  affected each of us kids differently. It is amazing we can be in the same family but have different experiences and perceptions of the same dad.
 
Being the youngest child and daughter for 7 years before my sister was born, gave me advantage.  First, I watched my two brothers, what was important to my dad and what wasn’t.  Secondly:  I wanted to please my dad so I often knew how to get into his heart. I had this desire to obey my parents or find ways to please them.

Seeing all this has caused me to often question what I like and what I didn’t like?  What is good and what isn’t? It has helped me to desire to treat people where they are and not what I want them to be.  It has caused me to be more of an encourager.

So God used my dad to make me more aware of those areas I need to stick up for, ultimately for what is right, and to be honest.  My desire is to push people forward, not necessarily like my dad did but in ways pleasing to God. Now being a Life Coach is one way to help others and encourage them to be all God wants them to be, moving them forward to achieve the goals God puts on their hearts. Thanks dad for instilling some of the attributes that now God has redeemed.  

I AM THANKFUL FOR MY DAD

2017 My daugher shawna with my dad

Would you allow me to walk down memory lane of experiences with my dad? Funerals give us some needed space to reflect and remember.

Being the attorney he was and Lt Col. in the Marine Reserves, he taught me how to look others in the eyes.  He always said “When you look someone in the eyes it gives the appearane that you are confident and you are a honest person.  It is hard to be telling a lie and look someone in the eyes.”  I have found some wisdom in his words. Then dad also taught me how to give a firm handshake. I had to keep up with my brothers, didn’t I?

 As an attorney, he had to know how to talk to people so he was always talking to strangers. I would watch him like an hawk as he mingled. I believe this went into my make-up of liking people. Once God got ahold of my heart and I realized how Biblical relationship building is part of living out the values of the Kingdom. God used my dad to stir this desire in me. Today, I enjoy making connections and small talk with others. (Thanks, dad!)

When I was a little girl I always enjoyed my night time with dad. I would climb into bed with dad so he could read to me. My favorite, I remember was Black Beauty.  I loved the security of being in his arms snuggling up to him, as his little girl.  For this I am thankful because later I learned to know what it was to feel secure in our Heavenly Father’s arms. Not to mention I love horses, too.  

At Christmas time, my dad would say:  “Sterling what do you want for Christmas?” Then he would sing:  All I want for Christmas are my two front teeth, my two front teeth….”.  He liked singing that over and over.  This started when I first lost my two front teeth but then was sung every year after. Or he would call me his little Cinderella

.

Funeral on Jan. 6th. Dad passed Jan. 2nd. Closed intimate funeral with family and a few friends.

When my dad heard the inter-city kids were going to be bused to the residential schools where I went to school at East North Elementary School, he decided he would take me out and put me in a private school for my 6th grade. East North had been home to me since Kingdergarden.

However, this was dad’s way of loving us. He didn’t realize but God did that. By placing me in the private school, my dad  was instrumental for me coming to know Jesus as Lord.  That year Jesus was introduced to me and I fell in love with Him. I’m forever thankful for that year  . 

The next year my Mom and dad divorced. My world was broken. I went back to public school again but now I was part of a bigger family of God’s people. For this I am thankful for my dad.

He taught me how to respect the law. I think today I love watching suspenseful movies where court cases are shown because of him.

Later when I was in High School I worked for my dad at the Law firm, doing filing etc…  One day I had this project in one of my classes to reinact a court case.  I was to be the defending attorney.  I accepted this because I knew my dad was a good lawyer and he could help me win this case.  So I called him and for a brief moment my dad and I connected.  I ended up winning the case and I became polular with all my classmates.  At that time I was thankful God had given me the dad He had. I was proud to have a dad who was an attorney.

June 2014 Last pictue with all siblings and my dad. My sister passed away 2016

When I was 14 I prayed that the man I would marriage would like sports and politics because I knew dad loved those two things.  So this way my husband and he would get along and have something in common. 

My husband today could converse on those two topics well and many more with my dad.  I am thankful for my dad in helping me to appreciate those two areas and I am able to dialogue with others, somewhat, as well.   

When I was in college I wrestled to surrender to God totally. Knowing now as a parent how impossible it is to be all we need to be for our kids, I’ve learned something of disappointments from my dad’s humanness and imperfections. This helped me to realize God’s unconditional love for me personally. What Jesus was willing to do for me on the cross and resurrection became more pronouced.  Today I sit in my heavenly Father’s lap especially in those times I do not feel secure.  A place where I feel his steadfast love for me like I felt in some measure with my earthly father when he read to me as a little girl or took me by the hand to feed the ducks at Furman University, or wanted to show me off to his attorney friends that I was his little girl.  For this I am thankful for my dad.  I know the love of the Heavenly Father in greater measure because of these memories and I cling to Him. He is the perfect “Daddy” , our Heavenly Father.  

I have always had an adventurous spirit and I think in some measure it is due to my mom who is creative but also to my dad  who loved to travel and visit exotic places.  It created in me an imaginative and venturersome spirit.  He took me to South America once which played into my calling to serve the Gospel in other nations and love for Peoples. For this I am thankful for the dad that God gave me.

Dad never visited me overseas but He and Linda (his second wife yet separated) came to visit me in Virgina and our homes in the USA. I appreciated and was thankful for those visits.

The family has grown to love Linda. 2017

Even over the last year each time I visited I was thankful if I could walk away knowing I brought a smile to his face and the visit went well.  Again, our human fathers have great impact on their little girls and kids in general.  I am thankful for the dad God gave me.

Dad has heard the Gospel, the Good news of Jesus many times. Just, last year, at Christmas 2018, I read a story I wrote.  My dad was like a little kid listening on the edge of his chair  to the words and answering my questions. I couldn’t believe his attention span lasted that long. But of course the moment didn’t last indefinitely because of his dismentia. Yet, I hang onto that moment that let me peep into my dad’s heart once again. As a child, I, too trust and believe, we will see dad in heaven again one day.  I am thankful for his life even though we didn’t always see the fruit of that consistant love in his life.

 

Even though my dad ( or as others know him as Lehman, Buddy, Dad or Poppa) did not always live up to all of our expectations or his own, I am thankful for him. Thankful for the dad God gave me because I am who I am today because of him and my mom. He gave what love he could give. And I am sure as time goes on I will remember more things I can be thankful for but enough for now. I choose to remember those God moments and thank God for him.

Good bye, dad. We say Good bye with you on this earth and trust we will see you again, in the not so soon future.  We love you Dad!

MY SON, SHANE WROTE THIS ONE STORY OF HIS POPPA ON FACEBOOK

Shane massaging poppa’s shoulders. My dad appreciated the tender loving touch so much. 2016

Grandpa’s body stopped breathing last week. In many ways, his later years were greater than his former, as he rebuilt relationships and got to be present in ways that were beyond him during his early and middle years. Honored to come from him and be known as his grandson. Grateful for these last moments of simply being able to massage his failing body, to give touch and affection to a tired man. Dead, yet now living. Finally able to be weak, held by Eternity’s strong and gentle embrace. The loss of your life is worth lamenting. We hurt because we love, and so we lean into the hurt. I’m so very excited to see the real you in the age to come, old timer. Other reads on facebook by Hannah Moseley Moldenhauer, Adam Moseley, and Becca Stephens, cousins of Shane.

CONCLUSION BUT NOT FINISHED

Make sure you find ways to connect with those you love and are part of your oikios (household) whether blood relative or not.  Making those memories are important because one day life will not be any more and you cannot praise God anymore. “For the dead do not remember you. Who can praise you from the grave?” Psalms 6:4-5 NLT  What heritage or legacy are you leaving behind?  Fathers we are thankful for you but if you want a positive legacy you must be intentional…..

PERSONAL REFLECTION:  What spoke to you in this story?  What can you say about your earthly Father? How does your earthly father impact who you are today? What difference can you, knowing your Heavenly Father’s impact or change the negative memories of your earthly Father?  How can this concept of our earthly Father impact how we relate and tell others of the Heavenly Father’s love?  Would love to hear any of your thoughts in the comment section of this blog….

 

From One Pilgrim to another together on the journey,

“Consider how you may spur one another on towards love and good deeds….. encouraging one another–and all the more as you see the Day approaching.” Hebrews 10:24-25 (NIV)

“Intentionally journeying alongside women in order to encourage them to see God in their story, moving them closer to Jesus, and to discover their place in God’s Kingdom”

 

 

MERRY CHRISTMAS AND HAPPY NEW YEAR 2019

In HIS PRESENCE There is FULLNESS of JOY

 


 

You make known to me the PATH OF LIFE; in YOUR PRESENCE there is FULLNESS OF JOY; at your right hand are pleasures forevermore.’Psalm 16:11

 
Thanks to my audience for your faithfulness in reading my blogs and following me along life’s path. I love hearing your stories as I travel, see your remarks on Facebook or in the comment section. Please feel free to pass along my blog  to others  who might find the stories helpful  or the questions asked beneficial. 
 
What an inspiration of hope and joy to know that we can be an encouragement to one another, that we are not alone on this journey. 
 
In this Christmas season I am reminded of Matthew 2:10 where we hear the story of the Shepherds, ‘And when they saw the star they rejoiced exceedingly with great joy.’
 
‘And the Psalmist tells us in Psalm 16:11b “In your presence there is fullness of joy.’ Psalm 16:11b
 
We all have our stories but we are part of God’s bigger story together. Let’s keep intentionally telling our God Stories in Praise to God.  
 

SO AS YOU LOOK BACK OVER 2019 WHAT HAS BROUGHT YOU HIS GREAT JOY?

  

One joy recently, Jim (my husband) and I returned from a trip to Europe  where we were with a group of 75 young leaders where we both spoke on the Theme of  “Dwelling” for 6 sessions. Shawna, our daughter, also joined us and spoke.  It became a beautiful family affair; not to mention an incredible theme.

 
What a privilege also to serve the next generation.  One of the sessions I spoke on was built around the theme of Dwell from Psalm 84.
Blessed are those who dwell in your house (the Lord’s)  ever singing your praise,  SELAH.’  As I practice sitting in His presence and singing praises to Him, my heart longs to  draw others along with me. (Even if I cannot carry a tune).   
 
Christ came down to this earth and dwelt among us in order to offer life and eternal life to all.  He is ‘Emmanual’  ‘God with us’!  God invites  ‘us’ to come into his presence, to dwell with Him.  One day we can sit with Him forever. 
 
As we sat with these young leaders from all over the world for 8 days we felt God’s love and affection. We dwelt together in His presence. What a joy to hear their Kairos moments (those epoch moments) with God (His Story in their lives) as well as their respective journeys’ of pain over the last year. They vulnerably allowed us to peep into their beautiful hearts. Do not underestamate the power of skilled listening, sitting in God’s presence together hearing one another’s stories and watch God do the healing.    
 
How can we be present and show God’s love for others if we have not learned to experience His personal presence daily ourselves?  This reminds me of another story that still lingers in my mind’s eye with much joy but not without a path of pain.  
 

(more…)

“THE SPIRIT OF THE LORD WAS WITH HER”

ON ASSIGNMENT BY GOD

27 But God chose what is foolish in the world to shame the wise; God chose what is weak in the world to shame the strong; (I Corintians 1:27)

INTRODUCTION
About the time I started to feel the heat of the lions den, in walks Debbie! Here was someone who was considered a nobody in the eyes of most people around her. Never meeting Debbie before that day I would have thought the Red Sea had just parted. I felt “The Spirit of God was with her”.  Debbie’s presence transformed the atmosphere in the room and my grandmother’s attitude. Wow. Who is this woman?

Afterwards Debbie told me “Well, the first day after I came home from being with your grandmother, I told my husband I wasn’t going back to work for that woman. He asked me a few questions and after hearing my reasons said, “okay, but have you prayed about it first?” That was all he had to say. I was convicted as I told him I hadn’t.”

_______________________________


MY GRANDMOTHER, MAMAMA & DEBBIE….

During the Great Depression, my grandparents worked hard and through much difficulties and uncharted choices made it rich by most standards. This hard earned wealth created a perception that her family had this unspoken standard to measure up to. When my dad didn’t always live up to it, it wasn’t pleasant around my family. Often their attitudes were imputed onto us kids, too. I never felt totally accepted by my grandparents, but in some strange way I respected them and knew they loved us even if it wasn’t always demonstrated in ways I would have preferred or understood.

I am thankful for my grandparents (Nananer (Na-na-ner) and Mamama (Ma-ma-ma) for many good memories, During my elementary years we would often spend, Thanksgiving and Christmas dinners with them. During Easter time, they also invited us to their beach house.

My Grandfather built a tree house in the woods for us to enjoy. I loved exploring and climbing around their home. I believe God used them, to also plant a seed, of my love now, for tennis. But at the time I didn’t want anything to do with it

Even with a disfunctional family I knew I was part of something bigger than just my immediate family. With my grandparents, parents and siblings, I felt a sense of belonging, family, hospitality, and community. But I wouldn’t understand it all till years later.


After Nananer died due to kidney failure, my grandmother missed him, of course, but as she aged she became “harder” on the inside. She had much to contend with and lived with a lot of loneliness even though she knew many people. Mamama felt like she still had a reputation to live up to.

This world Mamama created did not easily permit me to feel accepted for who I was. I didn’t dress the way she thought I should. I became a follower of Jesus, went to a Christian college, married a Yankee and served overseas as a missionary. Each decision was contrary to her ideals or expectations for me.

One of the qualities Mamama had was her strong disposition. She didn’t back down for anyone! I think I inherited some of that tough hide. “Shhhhhh!  No comments.

After being overseas for many years, married and with kids, we came home from living in Asia on home ministry (furlough) for a year when I went to visit Mamama. Mamama was now up in years and we didn’t know how long she would live so this visit was very important. I picked up a gift for her like Jacob presented to Esau before he saw his estranged brother. Like, Jacob didn’t know how Esau would respond to him, I didn’t know what reaction I would get from my grandmother. I was apprehensive.

I also asked God to go before me like Moses had asked God.

If your presence does not go with us, do not bring us up from here”

As I arrived I met Debbie, this sweet African-American lady who was now one of the primary care-givers for my grandmother. She took me upstairs to see Mamama.  My aunt was there, my father’s sister. I took my youngest daughter too, since she had never met her great grandmother. All seemed to be going well.

Until my aunt and Grandmother took the conversation in a direction I didn’t want to go. I wanted to honor my grandmother but the direction turned more difficult and critical. This was not something I wanted my daughter to hear.

About the time I started to feel the heat of the lions den, in walks Debbie! You would have thought the Red Sea had just parted.  Never meeting Debbie before that day, I felt “The spirit of God was with Her”.  I felt His presence when Debbie walked into the room. Amazing! Debbie’s presence transformed the atmosphere and my grandmother’s attitude. The rest of our visit was unusually pleasant. Wow! Who is this women?

I knew Mamama’s bent was prejudice toward blacks, which was common in the south in her day. But it was the 1990’s, yet in some ways she had not changed with the times. So I was surprised by the love Debbie was showering on my grandmother. And my grandmother was receiving it!

I found out later Debbie knows Jesus. He was making a difference through her life.

God can use what the world thinks as foolish to confound the wise.

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DEBBIE REMINDS ME ALSO OF RAHAB’S STORY

The Israelites in the book of Joshua were now waiting outside Jericho on the otherside of the Jorden where they were told by God to take possession of the land. This city had strong defenses.

In Numbers 13-14, we see the Israelites wandering in the wilderness for 40 years because the people disobeyed, listening instead to the 10 spies out of 12. The 10 giving the ‘majority report’ saw themselves as grasshoppers and the people in the Promise Land as giants. Now many years later, God’s people and Joshua are about to enter the Promise Land facing this big city. How will they view themselves? Did they learn the needed lessons?

Joshua was one of the origianal 12 spies, He did not see giants. How will Joshua, as the new leader, some 40 years later, lead the Israelites to trust God forward to destroy Jericho?   

Joshua decided to send in 2 people not 12 to spy out the land before attacking it. He had learned a valuable lesson. The two spies met Rahab, a prostitute.

The 2 spies found out from Rahab, how God had gone before, creating fear in the hearts of the Canaanites. Rahab wanted to believe in their God.

She, too, was considered a nobody!  Rahab demonstrated her faith by hiding these 2 spies from her own people. She helped them escape even in the evident danger of possible death.   

[https://archive.org/details/rahab_the_harlot[/]( by Ky Baptist)

I don’t know about you but sometimes I feel like a nobody. “How can I help” I am just one person and what’s in front of me seems so daunting.  

The Spirit of God had gone before Joshua and the people into Jericho even before the two spies arrived. They were guided to Rahab. She responded in faith. Can you think of a time where you felt the Spirit of God working?

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LIKE RAHAB, DEBBIE’S STORY CONTINUES….

I cannot remember the time table of life but not much later, maybe two years, we came back from living overseas when Mamama took her last breath.

I was not looking forward to going to the funeral. I was sad not knowing where Mamama would be spending eternity. She never wanted anything to do with followers of Jesus, and their Lord even though she was a faithful church goer.  

Mamama felt Jesus was a crutch and thought she lived just fine. When she died her requests were only a graveside service and no flowers.  No one was allowed to give any testimonies about her apart from her pastor. I so wanted to share some of my good memories but no opportunity was presented.

As Mamama’s Minister gave her Eulogy, I thought I was at the wrong graveside service. He didn’t really represent the grandmother I knew. Very impersonal and depressing!

I was feeling guilty too, all I could think of was hurtful things I felt she had imputed on me and others I loved. Of course I am praying and asking God to help me with a better attitude and some kind of hope that I could walk away with through the service. But I wasn’t finding anything!

As I was praying, however, I saw Debbie, the caregiver.  I made a mental note I would connect with her after the service was over.  

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“Debbie, Debbie, hi, I don’t know if you remember me but I am one of my grandmother’s, granddaughters, Sterling”?

“Yes, I remember you.”  

“Do you know who was with my grandmother in her final moments and how she died? ” 

“I and Gladis, (the maid) were with her.”  

“Really, would you mind taking the time to tell me about it”?

“Sure” she said with a soft smile. As everyone left, Debbie took the next hour to share as we walked the graveside together.

“When I came to work for your grandmother, after one day I knew I did not want to work with that lady! When I was a little girl, my aunt worked for this old critical prejudice rich lady and after I saw what that lady did to my aunt I vowed as a little girl I will never wipe the “butt” of any white rich old woman with that kind of attitude, if life depends on it.

Well the first day after I came home from being with your grandmother, I told my husband I wasn’t going back. He asked me a few questions and after hearing my reasons said “okay but have you prayed about it first?” That was all he had to say. I was convicted as I told him I hadn’t. ” 

I then said I would let him know in the morning. I couldn’t sleep all night. The next morning when I woke up, I knew God had called me back to take care of your grandmother. I realized she needed Jesus and God wanted me there to tell her. I didn’t know how but I knew God wanted me to go there and show her first His love by loving her.”

Over the months leading up to her death, I processed each person in the family with her. I started with each grandchild and then up to your dad and mom. With each person I pushed and pushed with questions until her straw man of what she had fixated about them could not be justified and she had to forgive them.”

She would get so mad but when she got quiet I knew God had gotten through to her core. God gave me the courage because she could have fired me but didn’t. God was working in her heart.

The day she died, Gladis and I were bathing her when she was asking us to hurry.

“Hurry, Hurry,” she kept yelling. We didn’t understand why the rush. But, she wanted us to dress her fast and have her ready.

I realized as we were finishing her up it wouldn’t be long before she would die, her feet were getting blue and it was going up her leg. It would soon hit her heart and she would be dead.  

As the last piece of clothing was on her, she looked at me and asked very sincerely, “Debbie, will God accept me into Heaven?”

“I said Caroline, God has always accepted you, the question is will you accept him?”

“What must I do?” She said.

“You know what to do. We have talked about it before. You must ask him to forgive you and surrender yourself to him believing what He did for you on the cross. He died so you could have eternal life. He is your Lord and loves you very much!

She paused and then set up with strength I didn’t know she had and said,

“Okay Lord please forgive me!” As her arms went up in the air and then she laid back down.”

“As I looked into her eyes there was a glow on her face like I had never seen before. She was so calm and peaceful. When she turned and looked up at me and said,

“Debbie…. Thank you!” She smiled… and closed her eyes and died”.

All of a sudden Gladis and I felt a breeze in the room, even with all the doors and windows closed. With Gladis on one side of the bed and I on the other between your grandmother, we stood frozen staring at each other, tears streaming down both of our cheeks, on what felt like holy ground.

Later as we talked, we both confirmed the air felt was God’s spirit taking your grandmother up to heaven. “

Wow! I, too, sensed God’s presence and God’s delight in my spirit as she told the story of her time with my grandmother. This is the hope I came for.

After giving Debbie a great big hug, I looked at Debbie with tears in my eyes now, and said “Thank you for heeding God’s call in your life. For being there for my grandmother even when she wasn’t so nice to you. Thank you for taking time to share this forever loving memory etched in my heart.”

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Thank you Lord for Debbie. For answering my prayers! For letting me hear this story Lord, in redeeming my grandmother’s life before she died.”

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Debbie, was weak before the world but mighty before God, like Rahab where God chose to put both on assignment for His Kingdom work. Debbie with my grandmother and Rahab for the 2 spies, the Israelites, and her family.

PERSONAL REFLECTIONS: What about this story either Rahab, Debbie or my grandmother resonated with your heart? What made both Debbie and Rahab step up to accept their tasks? How might history have been different without their courageous faith? Would love to hear your thoughts in the comment section …

From One Pilgrim to another together on the journey,

“Consider how you may spur one another on towards love and good deeds….. encouraging one another–and all the more as you see the Day approaching.” Hebrews 10:24-25 (NIV)

“ Intentionally journaling alongside women in order to encourage them to see God in their story, moving them closer to Jesus, and to discover their place in God’s Kingdom”

A SURPRISE GIFT FROM GOD

Since you are precious and honored in my sight, and because I love you…
Isaiah 43:4a.

For a whole year a friend of mine had encouraged me to visit The Brooklyn Tabernacale Congregation, founded by author and pastor, Jim Cymbala and his wife, in New York. It holds three huge services each Sunday in a broadway theater they bought.

I was working at an international organization headquartered in Pennsylvania, when my friend and I finally found a date to make this trip happen. We even ended up with two car loads of friends tagging along with us. More the merrier, seems to be our motto.    

We had waited outside in line for a good hour or so before they let us all in for the worship service. Once in, we now waited with anticipation in the upper balacony for the service to begin. We sat and watched the massive amount of people continue to pile in after us to find their seats.

SO WHAT IS ALL THE FUSS ABOUT?

The famous, Brooklyn Tabernacle Choir finally began captivating us with their beautiful sounds of praise to God along with over 700 of us in the audience singing along. You could sense the presence of God in the room as the people sang. The  anticipation of hearing Pastor Jim Cymbala preach to us from God’s Word next was also felt.

I would finally get to hear the man I had read about and been so inspired by. The stories in his books related back to when the church plant first started and how God answered their many prayers.

Yet, I was not prepared for what God had planned next.  Mr. Cliff Barrows was ushered out and introduced as the guest speaker. Not expecting this change of speakers, my reaction upon seeing him surprised me. I got all excited and found myself ready to run down the isle and up on stage to give him a big hug.

MR. CLIFF BARROWS

Why? Mr. Barrows, who used to be the worship and song director for the Billy Graham Crusade, had also been a neighbor of my paternal grandparents well up until my early 20’s. We connected on so many levels. His father, I believe, was a “Gideon” and even served in the Philippines. This had been our home for 13 years as well.

Cliff and His first wife, Billie, which had 2 years earlier passed away, had also become like my adopted grandparents. They loved Jim, my husband and me.  They prayed and encouraged us; even took great interest in our work in Asia. They even became financial partners with us for a season..

They always made time for my husband and me when we were home from the Philippines. This meant much since he was a busy man. Occasionally, they would ask me to cook a Filipino meal for them.

Cliff and Billie gave much counsel and encouragement as we considered adopting our 4th child. They listened well and gave wisdom during many of our transitions.

They loved my grandparents and my father too. Often extending Christ to them in more ways than one. I cannot say enough about this man, who just passed away a couple of years ago. For all these and more I am grateful.

This gives you some backdrop to appreciate my excitement to see him stand and get ready to deliver God’s Word. My heart leaped. Seeing him, truly was an unexpected surprise gift from God. I had not seen Cliff for many years.

I was told later he was now legally blind. Yet, he preached as if he was reading all the Words directly from the Bible. He knew many Scripture verses by heart. He gave an amazing message!

OKAY, BUT WHY AM I TELLING YOU ALL THIS?

My dad, almost 89 years old, whom I don’t know for sure he is a follower of Jesus, even to this day, knows Cliff as a former friend. Cliff, when home from travels often took time out to have lunches with my dad in the days he lived next door to my paternal grandparents.

Leading up to this event at The Brooklyn Tabanacle, my grandmother had already been dead for 4 years. Right after her death some important decisions needed to be made. After seeking the Lord and much wise counsel from others, my siblings and I, felt it best to disagree with my dad. For some reason, this caused my father’s wrath. He didn’t want anything to do with us afterwards.   

Always being in my dad’s good graces as “his little girl” this choice on his part hit us hard. As we waited on the Lord to change my dad’s heart, through much prayer,  I wrote my dad many special letters and cards but he never responded back.

In good conscience I knew I was faithfully honoring and loving my dad. Even though we disagreed on this one decision.

So when I saw Cliff, all the grief and love for my dad which had been built up inside of me came pouring out. I felt like I was seeing my dad and I couldn’t control the tears that came flooding out before the Lord. I tried to hold them back but I couldn’t

Here this 40 something “young” lady, at that time was a basket case. My friends didn’t know what to do. Before they could say anything I got up and walked downstairs to the front in order to be ready to hug and talk to Cliff when he got finished.

Not realizing just how big of a production this place was… when I got down to the stage, these 2 big security guys were standing at the entrance of the platform stairs, watching guard. They would be escorting Mr. Barrows off when he was done, away from the crowd.

The invitation for people to come forward was happening so I thought it would be just fine to go on stage and talk to him. What was I thinking?!

Yes Miss? You can’t go any further!  Is there anything you would like”.  

Yes I am friends with Mr. Cliff Barrows. He knows me and I want to see him and say Hi”  

The man’s eyes displayed concern but wasn’t sure if I was for real.  He was there to do his job. “Ma’am, he will be whisked off when he is finished, I don’t think you will be able to see him”.  

“But I have to” as tears uncontrollable again started to roll down my cheeks.  Feeling rather embarrassed and stupid now. “He knows me, I have to talk to Him!”

“I will see ma’am.  I will ask when he comes down but I can’t promise you.  Just stand over there if you would please and wait.”

I stood there talking to myself trying to get my composure.  “If I can just see and talk to him, that’s all I ask Lord. I just need a hug and I will be okay.”

“Come on Sterling, get control of yourself”, then the tears would flow again. The bodyguard kept looking at me strangely. I was trying to act like I wasn’t some cookie crazy woman but I am sure I wasn’t too convincing.

BUT, I COULDN’T MOVE AND WAS DETERMINE TO SEE HIM!

The Brooklyn Tabernacle

As soon as Cliff ended his message he was swept from the stage as the crowd of people engulfed him and I was pushed to the side. This same guard, as he passed had the most compassionate look in his eyes, as he moved his lips, “I am so sorry miss.”

I yelled out “Just tell him it is Sterling Moseley O’Neill”. The man was kind and daring enough to mention to Cliff my full name, probably thinking, that is the least I can do for this lady, but I am not sure it will matter!   

When he mentioned my  name to Mr. Barrows, Cliff stopped in his tracks and said, “Where is she?”  

The guard pointed toward my way and the sea of people parted. Cliff put out his hands towards me and again said “Where is she?”

“She is over there, Sir.” Cliff, remember he could not see me because he was considered legally blind, put out his hands and said, “Please come here, Sterling.” The look on the guard’s face was one of surprise and delight for me and motioned for me to come.

When I reached Cliff, He hugged me. We talked for only a few minutes, forgetting the many people looking in on us. Then, he left just as fast. My tears seemed to  subside instantly. I was filled with contentment and joy. My heart was full. I was okay. It was like my dad had given me a special hug. Or more like a hug from my heavenly Father. WHAT A SURPRISE GIFT FROM GOD!

One day we will die. Then we shall see Jesus extend his pierced marked hands and say “come”  and call us by name, and take us up to heaven. I know what I felt and I look forward to that day when Jesus, will call my name because I am written in His book. I am precious, honored and belong to Him.

How do you feel?  Can you picture it? Is your name written in His book? JESUS IS ALIVE putting His arms out to hug you. Go to Him.    

PERSONAL REFLECTION: With the Easter season, once again, Jesus is reminding us He is alive, calling, knows us by name, and/or is ready to hug us. What story can you remember where God showed up where you felt like it was a surprise gift from God, as in my story? Take time to write it down and be a blessing in someone else’s life. How have you experienced God’s presence this week even?  Please share a story with us in the comment section: A SURPRISE GIFT FROM GOD.

*my dad and I today are on talking terms. God answered prayers and the doors were open to mend our relationship. But I still do not know where he is with the Lord.

From One Pilgrim to another together on the journey,

“Consider how you may spur one another on towards love and good deeds….. encouraging one another–and all the more as you see the Day approaching.” Hebrews 10:24-25 (NIV)

“ Intentionally journaling alongside women in order to encourage them to see God in their story, moving them closer to Jesus, and to discover their place in God’s Kingdom”

I DON’T LIKE TENNIS!

We Plan But God Directs

“The heart of man plans his way, but the Lord establishes his steps.” (Proverbs 16:9 (ESV)

When you were young was there a sport or hobby, or a skill you were made to participate in or develop that you didn’t like? Or something you were working hard on but it didn’t turn out the way you felt it should have, wasting all of your time?    

When I was young, tennis was something my grandmother and aunt played and desired for me. It was the known game of the “elite” (those with more financial means, usually those with power and influence or privilege). I didn’t consider myself “those people”. I thought, to be “one” of them meant you weren’t friendly to others less fortunate than you.

But because I loved and was taught to respect my grandmother I took the tennis lessons she paid for. I learned the basics of tennis but never really developed my form. Oh how my grandmother would be smiling today if she were to see me. Presently, Jim and I play several times a week. I’ve come a long way since those formative years. (more…)

PUSH! PUSH!

Cultural Differences (PART 2)

“Behold, children are a heritage from the LORD, the fruit of the womb a reward.” Psalm 127:3

Leading up to the delivery of our first child in the Philippines, where we served, our team leader and his wife, came to the house with doctor and nursing outfits on, ready to teach us the Lamaze method of child delivery. Natural childbirth classes were underway. What a great evening sitting around laughing and learning together.

The week before, the doctor and the hospital let me go into the delivery room to put up a mirror so I could see the baby delivered. That was what they were doing in the States. Why should I miss out on anything just because I decided to heed the call to go to the Philippines?  Oh, the passion of youth! The maintenance man helped me figure out where to put the mirror.  

Two weeks after the due date I woke up in the middle of the night on Oct. 11th, 1983 with contractions telling me it was time for this little one to come.  Jim and I, like little kids, giggled. The long awaited time had come. We were finally going to be parents. Will it be a girl or a boy? It was a special bonding moment between the two of us. Until my water popped. (more…)

ARE YOU WORRIED?

His Mercies are New Each Day

 

Philippines 4:8, “Finally, brethren, whatsoever things are true, whatsoever things are honest, whatsoever things are just, whatsoever things are of good report; if there be any virtue, and if there be any praise, think on these things.”

As I was traveling today at 7:30 am, listening to music on my phone, the verse again that I had prayed to myself the day before popped into my head. His mercies and steadfast love are new each day from Lamentations. 3:22-23.

I had just come out of a normal medical procedure the week before that left me a little rattled. I am not getting any younger and each year the stakes get a little higher for medical examines coming out “positive”. However, from all outward appearance there was no reason for me to worry except for a few slight changes that concerned me. Of course those were the ones that I “naturally” honed in on.

Philippines 4:8 tells us to think on things that are good, pure, and truthful. I thought I was doing pretty good until the whole procedure was over and the results all came back a resounding “negative”.  It was then I felt my body relaxing. I was surprised I was worrying more then I wanted to let on.       (more…)

Summer 2016

Living with a Thankful Heart

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Psalm 27:4-5 says “One thing have I asked of the Lord, that will I seek after: that I may dwell in the house of the Lord all the days of my life, to gaze upon the beauty of the Lord and to inquire in his temple. For he will hide me in his shelter in the day of trouble; he will conceal me under the cover of his tent; he will lift me high upon a rock.”

There are Seasons of Life where it seems when it rains it pours. Is the same God on the throne during those times as He is when all is good? Is God good? Often when going through hard times we question God. Nothing wrong with that but use it as an opportunity to lean into God rather than run from Him knowing that He is God! He can handle it.

Find things to be thankful for in the midst of these hard times is crucial.  

This summer 2016 was one of those seasons for me. It isn’t the first and I am sure it will not be the last. However, this one was hard in the midst of so much grieving. But I can say as I look back on it, it was one of the most rewarding.     (more…)

WHAT STORY ARE YOU DYING TO TELL?

The importance of writing down your stories

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I John 1:4-5, “4 And we are writing these things so that our joy may be complete. 5 This is the message we have heard from him and proclaim to you, that God is light, and in him is no darkness at all.”

What excuses are you making for not writing down your stories? We share our stories but we often don’t write them down. Can you say God is working in your life? How much more could God be praised by others reading about what Jesus is doing in your daily stories?

A Few Examples of Excuses 

     1. Sterling’s personal story: 

I have a learning disability.  I often get my words mixed up. I have to say things in my head first before I say them out loud or they come out backwards. I often struggle through saying big words with 3 or more syllabus.

You could say like me, “I don’t see myself as a writer”. I know if I want others to tell their stories, I have to do it too.  I want to set the example that God can work through someone even like me who has trouble speaking sometimes. If I had used this as an excuse you wouldn’t be hearing my stories; this blog would never have happened.

So what do I do? I have friends and various people who like what I have to say and are willing to take their gift of editing and correct my work so it is readable for you. I didn’t say perfect, but readable. :}

     2. Moses’ story, in the Bible: 

We have the stories of Moses and are encouraged by them.  Exodus 4 tells us that Moses had trouble with his speech. What did God do? God gave him Aaron to speak for him but eventually Moses learned to speak himself.

The more we do something the better we get at it. Take time to read his story and maybe like me you will be encouraged.

Why Write Down Your Stories?

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