“You have taken account of my wanderings, put my tears in Your bottle; are they not in your book?” (Psalm 56:8) (NASB)
When I share my heart, tears just seem to flow unexpectedly. Feeling uncomfortable I say “I am sorry” followed by excuses as to why.
When I read from Scripture I draw encouragement from Paul’s tears, a great strong image of a man. In Acts 20:19, it says “as he served the Lord in all humility, he had many tears and trials.” Also in 2 Timothy 1:4 we see that Paul was mindful of even Timothy’s tears, a Church Planter.
Yet when I cry I somehow feel embarrassed. I am not sure where that feeling comes from but I find spilling tears, to be vulnerable. I cannot always predict or hold them back, they just come. How about you?
When I was recently attending a women’s retreat this past October 2016 (www.WomensDeveopmentTrack.com) one of the expectations of my small group was that we would not apologize for our tears, trying to make it a safe place to share. It was so freeing but I must say it wasn’t easy to break old habits.
This was the first public meeting I had been to since my younger sister’s passing last July, just 4 months earlier. To be honest, I was a little nervous about going, a little fearful even. I wanted to grieve well my sister’s death and not shortchange what God was doing in my heart. I was still wrestling with what it means to grieve well.
Many thoughts entered my mind: There will be strangers there? What will they ask me? Would I have anything to give them? Maybe I will share too much? Will they understand? I was already vulnerable in my grieving and the thought of putting myself in a more vulnerable situation was scary. Too much unknown in a season where I didn’t know exactly what I was feeling. What was I thinking signing up for this retreat?
Yet I felt in my spirit that it would be good to get away with ladies of like mindedness and refresh my soul, seeking and debriefing with God more intentionally from this past year.
I talked to a Life Coach friend too, who was able to help me to get clarity on my purpose for going to this retreat, as well as help me sort through my fears. She took time to listen to me, ask me powerful reflective questions, pulling out what was deep in my heart; Giving me direction through action steps that I could proceed with while at the event; Giving me renewed hope to step out in faith.
How did God work? One of the required readings were Dwight Edwards devotionals Called “Revolution Within Devotionals” This poem below speaks well of what I was feeling and/or felt in life and ministry, not mentioning the many joys experienced.
There are times of loneliness,
times of heartaches in grieving over those who may not follow Jesus
and/or make wrong choices,
sometimes feelings of betrayal especially at times by those who we
thought we could trust,
times of remorse or grieving over our own personal sins,
times of seeing family and friend’s needs or pains,
times of separation from those we love,
times of frustration over seemingly fruitless ministry, and
at times we feel abandonment when God seems to be utterly absent, etc…
You could probably add a sentence or two of your own. I did.
Times of …...
Pause for a minute, read and meditate on Psalm 56:8.
“You have taken account of my wanderings, put my tears in Your bottle; are they not in your book”
What stands out in your mind’s eye when you read it?
Can you visualize this bottle God has, each time you cry, and your tears that God places into it? God Himself catches our tears. They are kept by God, God Himself, in His book forever and ever. Wow! God is there with us, not thinking we are silly for crying; Not judging, but only affirming that He cares. He is keeping a record of our tears. They are important to Him.
“In the midst of our tears God has a word for each of us“. (Dwight “Revolution Within Devotions”)
“The Message” by Peterson says “You’ve kept track of my every toss and turn through the sleepless nights, each tear entered in your ledger, each ache written in your book.”
Romans 8:18 says ” the sufferings of this present time” will not be “worthy to be compared with the glory which shall be revealed in us”.
Dwight goes on to say “Temporary tears…but not painless tears.”
What about you? What helps you move forward, what encourages your heart in these times?
For me when God brings that person, to come alongside of me, who feels as I do, seems to understand me in that time of pain or stage of grieving, ministering to my core, it is often then that I sense God’s love. No words may be passed but their presence and/or actions speak louder than words. It is in these moments where I gain hope, and am able to see, hear, and feel, He loves me again. I don’t know about you but I need those reminders especially during those hard seasons. That physical human being is like God coming around me, hugging me when I need it most.
Such as my Life Coach friend taking time, non-judgmentally to ask me good questions to draw out what was in my heart and help move me forward. A friend who brings me lunch, where we laugh, enjoying one another’s company and for one brief moment I feel all is okay. The love and presence of my husband, my kids, and getting cards with words of affirmation and/or verse, telling me people are praying. All these are encouragements from the Lord that I hang onto.
Another way is through the book of Psalms, as I read David’s words, I can feel He understands too. I can press into God, like David, to bring me renewed hope.
Pain is often a process of grieving. I have one adopted child out of 4. A counselor told me when I was going through the process to adopt her, the birth mother might take up to 18 to 24 months to go through the normal grieving process, in giving up her child.
One lady who had lost her husband of 36 years just three years earlier said: “My daughter reminded me, you said mom, your emotions are like a wave coming toward you in the ocean, well you can let it hit you where you get knocked down or you can lean into it and swim through it.” Her daughter said “Mom just keep leaning, keep leaning”.
Just like God to meet me where I am. I can visualize God there with His bottle, sitting with me, holding my hand, catching my tears as I cry. What a picture of His steadfast love, at a time I found myself grieving the loss of my sister. These words spoke powerfully to me.
God reminded me he is catching my tears, and washing me clean. He is gentle and so I need to be gentle with myself. He loves me so much He is willing to catch my tears. I don’t need to speed up this process of grieving. It is something He does, not something I do. I just need to lean into Him and wait.
Two thoughts: Will I say “I am sorry” or make excuses next time tears flow? I don’t think so. What does it mean to Grieve well?Grieving well is leaning into Him against all the emotion coming at you and trusting Him with the process. Knowing in due time this will pass.
Personal Reflection: What pain or issue are you experiencing? What does it mean to you to grieve well? When you read Psalm 56:8 what image or emotions comes to mind? Where is God encouraging you? Please share any part of your story or comments with us in the section below of “Tears in a Bottle”.
From One Pilgrim to another together on the journey,
“Consider how you may spur one another on towards love and good deeds….. encouraging one another–and all the more as you see the Day approaching.” Hebrews 10:24-25 (NIV)
Please Reply in a gracious manner