“My son, pay attention to what I say; turn your ear to my words. Do not let them out of your sight, keep them within your heart; for they are life to those who find them and health to one’s whole body. Above all else, guard your heart, for everything you do flows from it.” Proverbs 4:20-23
As I was reading a blog by Keith Webb on “How Vulnerability Makes you a Stronger Leader” I read two insights on leadership and vulnerability:
“When we honestly acknowledge our faults and weaknesses we unlock leader development dynamics that strengthen not only you but the people around you.”
“Being vulnerable really comes down to humbly acknowledging weakness, asking for help and empowering others to use their strength” (keithwebb.com)
MOTHER, THE CEO
What stands out in your mind’s eye as you read these quotes above? As mothers we have the opportunity to grow in skills of leadership development too. Yes, leadership development. We are leading, as well as modeling what leadership looks like to our children. Scary thought.
So what leadership dynamics are you learning along the way?
As parents we don’t always have the answers yet we make our kids often feel we do. What happens when they are grown and don’t always have the answers? What are we modeling for them?
It is in those “Teachable Moments” where we find some of our greatest growth and most significant impact. Below is a simple story (not always this clear) where the principles of leadership are displayed and can be applied in most any situation as we work with people.
When our daughter was 13, now 33, she decided she wanted to cut her hair. I was out for the evening so the next morning when I went to wake her up for school I noticed her hair. The whole front of her hair had been chopped off. “Kelli what did you do?” I could have used a little bit of humor at that moment.
“Mom, (as she started to cry), just go ahead and spank me, I deserve it, I was stupid to do this”. Instead of anger, compassion filled me. I remembered I had done some pretty stupid things in my day. I was reminded of the story of Anne of Green Gables, maybe some of you remember, when she dyed her hair because she didn’t like being a redhead and it turned green. Her plan didn’t work out just as she had hoped. She was so embarrassed by her impulsive decision, she hid herself under the covers in her room and cried. The scene that follows is funny and one many of us can relate to at some point in our lives. If you haven’t seen it, it’s a must watch or read.
As all this entered my mind, my heart went out to my daughter. I told her that her hair being cut and her having to face the consequences of that was punishment enough for her. I asked: Kelli, how are you feeling about what you have just done? What do you think we should do? Trying to help her feel the full impact of her decision, but to be honest I wanted to know first what was going on in her heart. Secondly, I was lost for direction myself and wanted to see if she had any ideas. She felt some relief once that she had told me. But her second biggest obstacle was the fear of facing her friends.
I immediately told her, since I didn’t quite have an answer to give her. “Let’s pray and see what God would have us do since the damage had already been done. He can give us wisdom going forward.”
As I was praying this thought came to my mind: “We will fix her hair up in such a way that the hole she has cut will not show. People will think she decided to wear her hair differently. In no time the hair will grow back. This is not a life or death situation, and there is a way forward.” I presented the idea and my daughter liked it.
Isn’t God just that same way when we have blown it. We might have to take the consequences of our unwise choices but He is right there to pick up the pieces if we ask Him. Sometimes it takes acknowledging our weakness, and seeking help. Conversing with someone else who cares for us, asking us the right questions, allows us to come to a clearer perspective in going forward.
SIX SIMPLE LEADERSHIP INSIGHTS
- God’s Word gives us wisdom:
“My son, pay attention to what I say; turn your ear to my words. Do not let them out of your sight, keep them within your heart; for they are life to those who find them and health to one’s whole body. Above all else, guard your heart, for everything you do flows from it.” Proverbs 4:20-23
- Recognize your own weakness:
“My grace is sufficient for you, for my power is made perfect in weakness.” II Corinthians 12:9
- Wisdom starts with a relationship with God Himself:
“If any of you lacks wisdom, you should ask God, who gives generously to all without finding fault, and it will be given to you. But when you ask, you must believe and not doubt, because the one who doubts is like a wave of the sea, blown and tossed by the wind. That person should not expect to receive anything from the Lord. Such a person is double-minded and unstable in all they do.” James 1:5-8.
- God is faithful, He will make a way out:
“No temptation has overtaken you except what is common to mankind. And God is faithful; he will not let you be tempted beyond what you can bear.” I Corinthian 10:13.
5. Learning to ask powerful questions.
A pastor friend, Carl Green, lead a seminar on leadership once and said: “We are often lead by the questions we ask?” What questions are we asking ourselves? Are we asking the right questions?
What questions did I ask Kelli? I started off with an accusing question but ended with reflective questions, helping us think of wise steps in going forward. For example I asked Kelli “What did you do? Instead of, What happened? One is accusing and the other one is open ended. Then I asked, giving her a chance to be part of the process. Kelli, how are you feeling about what you have just done? What do you think we should do? As she answered, it gave more clarity to the situation, and the direction we needed to take in prayer.
6. Seek Help
Kelli and I got clarity as we went to God in prayer for wisdom. Our greatest Coach is the Holy Spirit.
“But the Helper, the Holy Spirit, whom the Father will send in my name, he will teach you all things and bring to your remembrance all that I have said to you.” John 14:26
Seeking help from others too is not a sign of weakness it is a sign of strength. You are “empowering others to use their strength…unlocking leadership development dynamics that strengthen not only you but the people around you.” (keithwebb.com)
So how is God developing you as a leader? What are you modeling? As Christ deals with you, growing in dependence on God, seeking others, and in asking the right questions, you can learn how to deal with your own children, as well as with others God chooses to bring into your lives. There will be opportunities, “Teachable Moments” to influence for God’s glory and point them to Christ. It starts with you first. You just might learn something from others if you take time to ask and listen well.
Personal Reflection: What stands out in your mind about Keith Webb’s quote? As I worked with Kelli: What leadership skills or values did I display before her? What did I model for you? What was I teaching her about God? What might be some of your “teachable moments” where you have learned leadership skills? I would love to hear your thoughts in the comment section of “Teachable Moments”
From One Pilgrim to another together on the journey,
“Consider how you may spur one another on towards love and good deeds….. encouraging one another–and all the more as you see the Day approaching.” Hebrews 10:24-25 (NIV)
Please Reply in a gracious manner