For by the grace given to me I say to everyone among you not to think of himself more highly than he ought to think, but to think with sober judgment, each according to the measure of faith that God has assigned. (Romans 12:3)
You can mark it down, there will be cultural differences when moving to a new culture. But it doesn’t mean anyone’s ways are right or wrong just opposite than you are familiar with, in most cases. Learning to appreciate those variances is important but may take time. Such rich varieties of cultures is God’s idea. It expresses His creativity and allows us to convey our God-given gifts as His image-bearers. We are not to think of ourselves more highly than we should but extend grace where we can when moving to another culture.
For example, one of the first things I was always told when moving to a new place in the US, besides looking for the best school for your child (if you have kids), was to make sure you find a good doctor in the area. However, pursuing medical professionals in another culture can be most challenging. Why?
First, there may not be wi-fi or google to search out quality doctors.
Second, if one’s teammates haven’t paved the way, then strangers from your host culture may be called upon for advice.
What questions do I ask? Who do I ask? I know so few people here. How would they know my values as to what I like in a doctor?
Third, what if they don’t speak English? Talk about being vulnerable and feeling insecure!
By the time Jim and I arrived in the Philippines we had been married for a year and a half. We were ready to start a family. In hindsight, since we had the choice, we should have pursued language study before we even considered children. (Take note new field workers!!) But, six months after arriving in the Philippines, I found myself pregnant.
(Jim and I when I just found out I was pregnant, age 23)
Boy, did I get pregnant: The first 3 months I was deadly sick. I could hardly get out of bed without throwing up everything. I ended up losing 10 pounds the first trimester.
Due to the hot tropical climate it was very easy to get dehydrated when battling stomach viruses. In my case it was pregnancy! Uncertainties, “Should I go to the hospital or not?” Just about the time I thought I should go I would stop vomiting, feel better for a few days, and then get sick again.
Should we deliver our child on Bohol, or go to the next city, Cebu, or Manila, the capital or go back to the States to give birth? Those who live 0n Bohol usually go to Cebu (2nd largest city in the country), those in Cebu usually go to Manila (the capital) and those in Manila often go to the States to have their babies. As the saying goes, things seem better on the other side, I suppose.
To help build trust with them, we wanted them to deliver our babies if possible on Bohol. They are used to having children aren’t they? We saw lots of children running around. They have this thing figured out! Right??
God had called us here, surely we could have them deliver our child. One other American had their baby on this island before we arrived, a Peace Corp worker who married a Filipino 6 years prior to us coming. We processed and rationalized. We would take some steps to make sure we felt comfortable before we made the final decision though. First we would check out what they thought was the best hospital in the city then figure out a good doctor to use.
Building Community
(Picture drawn by Sterling O’Neill)
So, how would we find some folks from our host culture to ask about medical services? In playing tennis, we made friends with many of the English speaking business men and women by then, both young and old. We were able to speak English with them while we learned the heart language of the people. Playing tennis and these friendships met a need in our lives, to learn to feel at home in another culture. God knows we need each other whether in our own country or another one.
Many of the business people had been to the States so they spoke good English. They were fun to be around and we learned much about the culture and life through them. Trust began to form and I would ask them: “If you had to pick a doctor who would you use.” Each person separately told me Dr. L.
One of our desires was to introduce as many of the people to Jesus as possible. They did not know of His death and glorious resurrection for their sins. Many knew of Him but didn’t know how to know Him personally. They had not studied the Bible for themselves and we wanted to help them know how. Many of them would then ask us questions about our relationship to Jesus and what the Bible had to say about Him. Our conversations allowed for some wonderful spiritual topics. We loved it. Mutual friendships were being forged and we were getting good advice to find a good doctor. So Jim and I decided to have our children on Bohol.
GOD’S BLESSING IN THE MIDST OF UNCERTAINTIES
We went to Bohol completely under-supported in our finances. We went under our own agency, so no one was there to tell us this wasn’t wise. At that time we were getting almost 9 pesos to the dollars. Our team leader had more than enough resources to lend us to set up our home. Today we would encourage workers around the world, to go through an organization if they can for accountability, and not to go under-funded. But for us it seemed the right thing to do, so off we went to Asia.
When all was said and done our expenses for the birth didn’t even meet our deductible. Including all our medication, the delivery only cost about $200. What a gift from the Lord! But there is more to the story.
CULTURAL DIFFERENCE
Dr. L. had been to the States several times and seemed to understand Americans, as well as Filipino’s and had delivered many babies. She came highly recommended. When I first met her I liked her right away. After reading up on pregnancy, I had a lot of questions. Culturally, Dr. L wasn’t used to her clients asking so many questions of their doctor; a real cultural difference! Once she realized I wasn’t a threat or questioning her as a doctor, rather I was only asking to relieve my insecurities, our relationship blossomed.
Until I felt comfortable to go to my doctor meetings by myself, Jim, being the the sweet husband he is, was kind enough to go with me. By the ninth month my appointments shifted to weekly visits leading up to the delivery. One particular day during these scheduled times the doctor wasn’t in her office. The assistant said: She is at the local public hospital. This was not the private hospital we decided to use for our delivery. It is okay to go there. You can find out what she wants to do and go from there.
I reluctantly went since this was opposite from our culture. Why wouldn’t a doctor be at her office if we had an arranged set-time? Life in the Philippines is much more laid back. Remember, I had learned that even though some things might not be the same, it wasn’t necessarily wrong, just different. So, off I went.
However, I went to the hospital and found her. Hi, I thought we had an appointment today so what time would you like me to come back for my weekly checkup? She said, I was delayed due to being called in to deliver a baby and just finished. If it is okay with you we could just examine here at this hospital instead of going back to my office?
I figured, Why not? She knows what she is doing. This would save me from coming back out.
I didn’t want to offend her. “Why not, sure” I said. We had grown in our relationship, and I had confidence in her as my doctor. However, I forgot to consider the possible cultural differences of doing things.
Her next steps took me by surprise. She took me into the public hallway next to the front door. She had a table set up and brought a curtain around us where no one could see us. Fine for her because that’s common there, but for me it wasn’t so familiar. I was an American, who felt like I stood out, feeling like everyone’s eyes were watching, this white lady about to be examine. It didn’t feel so comfortable at this point.
I was observing this like an out of body experience, trying to figure out what I should do as I was being carried along following her every command; resisting inside but watching myself doing what I was told on the outside. I prayed, ‘God, I need your grace about now.’
Now, understand, again this is completely okay in their culture, in a public hospital. No one would think twice about it. Plus no one could see me being examined BUT I didn’t feel that way. I could see people outside the curtain through the cracks. It was not a locked door like I was used too. People knew an American was in there. Would they be curious and try to look? Would someone try to come in and others see? However, no one was paying any attention, to my great surprise. Apparently, I was thinking more highly of myself. But it felt like everyone in the world saw me. I was getting more and more embarrassed and feeling exposed.
After it was over, I couldn’t get out of there fast enough. I went straight home. When I got to the house Jim was there meeting with some teammates and asked me: “How did the doctor’s appointment go?” Saying it with such a compassionate smile on his face. But after that experience and seeing the two other men there, I looked at him for a second, mumbled “fine” and without batting an eye, I immediately turned and went into the house. He told the men, “I think our meeting is over”. With great understanding they left.
Jim came inside to a wife in a fetal position, crying her eyes out, vowing never to go outside her doors ever again! Feeling now like everyone on the island knows what the white woman looks like. I was ready to call it quits and go home.
I didn’t say working through cultural differences would be easy. Next blog will tell about the actual delivery……
Personal Reflections: What cultural differences have you experienced? Which ones have been hard?What ways have you seen God’s grace extended? For those who have had children born in another culture, what was this encounter like? Any advice you can give others who might be transitioning into another culture other than their own? Would love to hear any part of the journey in the comment section of “Finding a Doctor”.
From One Pilgrim to another together on the journey,
“Consider how you may spur one another on towards love and good deeds….. encouraging one another–and all the more as you see the Day approaching.” Hebrews 10:24-25 (NIV)
Please Reply in a gracious manner